片名：《家有仙妻》
改编自1964年起首播的同名电视剧集
出租
今日可供看房
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这房子太完美了 It's perfect.
太棒了 Oh, great.
我决定租下了 I'll take it.
太好了，我真高兴 Wonderful. I'm so happy.
还有一件事情，我需要介绍人 There's one thing. I'm gonna need some references.
我可没有 I don't have any of those.
噢，亲爱的，这就麻烦了 Oh, dear, that's serious.
如果你没有的话，我就不能租给你 I don't know that we can do business together if you don't have references.
无需介绍人
再见 Bye, now!
窗帘
卫浴五金
你老爸
爸爸 发生什么事了，伊莎贝尔？ Daddy. What's going on, Isabel?
我搬到这儿来了 I'm moving here.
这里？你到底为什么要这么做？ To the Valley? Why on earth would you do that?
因为这正常 Because it's normal.
你很正常，你只是…… You're normal. You're just...
我知道，我知道 我只是不想再这样了 I know. But I'm not gonna be one anymore.
在这件事情上面，你没有选择 这才是你 You have no choice in the matter. It's what you are.
桔黄色是一种很好的颜色 它看着让人高兴 Orange is a great color. Orange is happy.
为什么我们不把它刷成黄色？ Why don't we just paint it yellow?
不行，因为我们要把浴室刷成黄色的 We can't, we're gonna paint the bathroom yellow.
我们什么时候决定的？ Since when are we doing that?
他们在为粉刷的事情吵架 They're arguing about paint.
对，我知道 Yes, I can see that.
我也想为粉刷而吵架 I wanna argue about paint.
和谁？ 某人 With whom? With someone.
一个男人？ A man?
对 噢，伊莎贝尔 Yes! Oh, Isabel.
我受够了魔法师 他们都像你一样 I'm through with warlocks. They're all like you.
即使你和妈妈结婚了 Even when you and mom were married...
你还对其他女人用魔法 ...you were casting spells on other women.
你的生活完全就是及时行乐，爸爸 Your life is total instant gratification, Daddy.
这很棒，不是吗？ 不，不，不是这样 It's fantastic, isn't it? No. No, it's not.
因为你怎么能知道 别人是否真正的爱上你？ Because how do you know that anyone really loves you for yourself?
就像有钱的男人永远都不确信 女人为什么和他们上床一样 It's like those rich men who are never sure why women sleep with them.
但是反正有女人和他们上床 所以这并不是个大问题 But women sleep with them, so it's not really a problem.
我想要个需要我的男人 I want a man who needs me.
需要你？ Needs you?
因为若没有我，他就是一团糟 Because he is a completely hopeless mess.
噢，不，你在说爱情 不是吗？ Oh, no. You're talking about love, aren't you?
你觉得呢？ What do you suppose it's like?
那很简单 你就对你想带回家的人说“我爱你” Oh, it's simple. You say, "I love you" to someone you want to go home with.
然后当你们的关系陷入窘境的时候 你就说“我不再爱你了” And then when things get messy, you say, "I don't love you anymore."
基本上就是这样 And that's pretty much it.
我感觉就像被压在玻璃窗上 I feel as if I'm pressed against a glass window.
就在玻璃的另一边 看得见，可感觉不到 It's right there on the other side. I can see it, but I can't feel it.
也摸不着 I can't touch it.
你妈妈知道这些吗？ 她又消失了 Does your mother know about this? She disappeared again.
420块56分 $420.56.
钱，钱 Money. Money.
这是我最后一次用魔法了 That was my last thing as a witch.
我想像普通人一样 我想交朋友，我还想…… I wanna be like everyone else. I wanna have friends and I wanna...
我还想去咖啡馆 And I wanna go to the Coffee Bean...
在那里我们能讨论我们之间 那些完全无解的问题 ...where we all discuss our problems, which are absolutely unsolvable.
你能得到任何你想要的东西 所有女人都想成为女巫 You can have anything you want. Every woman wants to be a witch.
我不想 我想体会无能为力 I don't. I wanna feel thwarted.
我想回到我的头发 被坏天气影响的那些日子 I want days where my hair is affected by weather.
嗨，您想点什么？ Yeah, hi, what can I get you?
炒蛋，谢谢 Scrambled eggs, please.
我受够了随心所欲的生活了 I am through with just snapping my fingers and getting my way.
十一点以后不供应早餐了 No breakfast after 11.
绝对的最后一次 My absolutely last thing.
别那么做 Don't do this.
你会遇见某个人，你们非常亲密 You'll meet someone, you'll get this close.
然后他发现…… 如果他爱我的话，他不会在乎的 And when he finds out about... lf he loves me, he won't care.
我要变把雨伞出来 I'm going to get an umbrella.
来吧，你也变一把吧 Go on. Get yourself one.
不，爸爸，我是认真的 绝不再用了 No, Daddy. No. I mean it. No. Never again.
你会被淋湿的 正有此意 You'll get wet. I hope so.
我知道你要说什么，我很混乱 I know what you're gonna say. I'm a mess.
控制情绪，杰克，控制情绪 Get a grip, Jack. Get a grip.
我办不到 I can't help it.
嘿，我看起来怎么样？ Hey, how do I look?
看起来很好 You look great.
我看起来很好？ 对 I look great? Yeah.
我总是看起来很好，这是与生俱来的 I always look great. That's a given.
最重要的是…… 什么？ And the important thing is... What?
我压根不知道什么是最重要的 I have no idea what the important thing is.
我告诉你，我感觉快疯掉了 I'm telling you, I feel like I'm about to go out of my mind.
我想找回我以前的生活，好吗？ 我想要我的妻子，房子…… You know, I want my life back. Okay? I want my wife and my house.
我想要东山再起，到底发生什么了， 瑞吉？ I wanna be a movie star again. I mean, what the hell happened, Richie?
曾经一切多好啊 Things were going so great for a while.
《去年在加德满都》 这片子花了1.4亿 Last Year in Katmandu. It cost 140 mil to make.
票房只有160万 并且是唯一一部DVD销售量为零的影片！ Grossed 1.6. The only DVD to sell no copies.
我们或许不应该拍成黑白片 We probably shouldn't have shot it in blackandwhite.
但是现在你要拍一部电视剧 一定会很轰动的 But now you're gonna do a television series and it's gonna be a hit.
所以振作起来 你看起来就像唐·约翰逊（电视明星） So pull yourself together, man, because you look like Don Johnson.
但是在坏的方面 好吧，我知道了 But in a bad way. Okay, I got it.
我要振作起来 走吧 I'll pull myself together. Let's go.
别对我太好，刻薄一点 And don't get all nice on me. Be mean.
我要刻薄，我要刻薄 I'm gonna be mean. I'm gonna be mean.
打我，这就对了 Hit me. There you go.
你是大块头杰克，伙计 走吧走吧，来吧 You're the Jackerator, baby. Let's go. Let's go. Come on.
先生们，你们好吗？ Yo, gentlemen. How are you? Oh!
你好 杰克·怀特 Hey, hello. Jack Wyatt.
你好，我是杰克 哦，忠实影迷 Hi, I'm Jack. Oh. Huge fan. Huge.
孩子们怎么样？ 很棒 How are the kids, guys? Great.
好，废话少说 Good. Well, let's cut the chitchat.
谢谢，顺便说一下我是杰克 尼娜 Thank you. I'm Jack, by the way. Nina.
杰克想要演这个剧 太好了 Jack wants to do the show. That's great.
我想演 太好了，太棒了 I wanna do it. That's great. That's terrific.
他只有一点疑虑 He only has one concern.
我们有同样的疑虑 We had the same concern.
不过我们觉得大家应该 已经忘了《去年在加德满都》这片子 But we think everyone's forgotten about Last Year in Katmandu.
除非他们看过了 Unless they saw it.
他的疑虑是…… His concern is...
所有的风头都是那个女巫的 ...the witch has all the fun.
出风头的会是你 You will be fun.
我们正在改写剧本 We're changing it from the original.
哇，别改的太过火，好吗？ 我的意思是，毕竟片子叫《家有仙妻》 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Don't all go crazy. Okay? I mean, it is Bewitched.
我是说萨曼莎应该也重要，对吗？ 应该是两主角的戏 I mean, Samantha should be strong. Right? This should be a twohander.
噢，上帝，太好了 嘿，真是松了口气 Oh, my God. Huh? Hey. What a relief.
我有些担心因为拉瑞跟我说 你想成为整个剧的中心 I was worried because Larry told me you'd want to tilt the show toward you...
不，不 Stu, Stu.
我的想法是我们应该拍成一部群星戏 你明白吗？ We gotta have a great ensemble is what I'm thinking. You know?
琳朵拉，隔壁的邻居 还有那些荒唐的家庭成员们 Endora, the nextdoor neighbors, all those crazy family members.
谁来扮演亚瑟大叔？ 我曾经很喜欢亚瑟大叔 Who's gonna play Uncle Arthur? Huh? I used to love Uncle Arthur.
好吧，我们正在寻找亚瑟大叔 Well, we're looking for Uncle Arthur.
您的桌子准备好了 谢谢 Your table's ready. Thank you.
我不知道你们是否还记得…… I don't know if you remember...
每次他照镜子的时候 镜子都会破裂 ...but when he'd appear in the mirror, it would crack. It would always crack.
你知道会是这样，每次都会这样 And you knew it was coming, and yet, every time it happened...
我笑啊，笑啊…… ...I laughed and I laughed and I laughed.
可以跟你说几句话吗？ 我喜欢那一幕 Can I talk to you? I loved it.
你好，珊米 "Hi, Sammy."
我们一会儿去桌子那里找你们 好吗？ One second, fellas. We'll meet you guys at the table, all right?
嘿，我喜欢那些家伙 Hey, I like those guys. What?
你像个三八一样 什么？ You're being a pussy. What?
你像个三八，三八，三八，三八！ You're being a pussy, pussy, pussy!
我不是！ 我只是想让演出更好一点 No, I'm not! I want the show to be good.
你想让演出……你知道吗？ You want the show to be... You know what?
杰克·怀特现在演电视剧了 因为他的电影事业完蛋了 Jack Wyatt's doing TV now because his film career ate it!
甚至在自己的剧里面都不是一号 And he's not even the clear star of his own show.
杰克，去他妈的亚瑟大叔 去他妈的所有人 Jack, screw Uncle Arthur. Hell, screw ensembles, man.
我像个三八 是的 I'm being a pussy. Yes.
如果这电视剧搞砸了 你在好莱坞十年都翻不了身 If this show tanks, you'll be on Hollywood Squares for 10 years.
并且成为三八镇的镇长 明白吗？ You will also be the mayor of Pussytown.
我不想当三八镇镇长 I don't wanna be the mayor of Pussytown.
进去，要表现得像猛男镇的执法官 Get in there and be the sheriff of Ballsville.
好吗？ 好 All right? Okay.
要有男人的样子 好的 Bring it. Okay.
我们走吧 Let's go.
别打了 对不起，对不起 Stop that. Sorry, sorry.
对不起各位，我们谈到哪儿了？ Sorry, guys, where were we?
有几个大牌有可能演萨曼莎 Couple of big names are available for Samantha.
他妈的 嗯？ To hell with that. Yeah.
我想找个新人来演女主角，好吗？ I want an unknown in the lead. All right?
性感新人应该不错，并且映衬我 A hot new face that's gonna look good and set me up.
因为我拼死拼活这么久 Because I have worked my ass off to the bone for too long...
才建立了我杰克·怀特品牌的价值 ...to build up the brand value of the name Jack Wyatt!
这电视剧只能有一个明星 而且我想要三部休息拖车 This show has one star. And I want three trailers.
没人拍电视而需要三部休息拖车 Nobody in television has three trailers.
他想要，你就给他 He wants them, you get them.
我要有个人专门的化妆小组 And I want my own makeup team in matching jumpsuits.
还要头猎豹！ And a leopard! I want a pet leopard.
宠物豹，带个钻石项圈，真的钻石！ With a diamondstudded collar. Real diamonds.
够了，杰克 还要一个蛋糕 That's enough, Jack. And a cake.
一个双层楼高的大蛋糕 每个星期三都是蛋糕日 A twostoryhigh cake. Every Wednesday's Cake Day.
我们把它拿出来…… And we're gonna bring it out...
假装是个惊喜 ...and we're gonna pretend it's a surprise.
因为这是蛋糕日 Because it's Cake Day.
我们知道了，杰克 We get it, Jack.
如果我们有一个猎豹的话 保险是个很困难的问题 If we have a leopard, we're gonna have major insurance issues.
我们愿意放弃猎豹 We're willing to give on the leopard.
呼吸越来越困难了 It's getting hard to breathe.
我应该把这些写下来吗？ 不 Should I be writing this down? No.
应该会很有趣的，对吧？ So this should be fun. Huh? Right?
我十岁的时候就对 伊丽莎白·蒙哥马利（64年版女主角）一往情深 I used to have the biggest crush on Elizabeth Montgomery when I was 10.
我们也是 我是说，她的鼻子 We all did. The nose. I mean...
找个新人来演萨曼莎不是一件容易的事 It's not gonna be easy finding a nobody to play Samantha.
执法官 Be the sheriff.
你们听着，杰克·怀特说，搞定！ Well, Jack Wyatt says get it done, y'all.
嘿，我打开了前院的喷水器 Hey, I'm turning on the sprinklers in my front yard.
灯灯亮 Dimming up.
灯灯灭 Dimming down.
灯灯亮 Dimming up.
灯灯灭 Dimming down.
哇！ Wow!
我认为你没明白 I don't think you quite understand.
这很令人困惑 This is very confusing.
我照他们说的那样 我把黑线插进了红色插孔里面 I put the black cable in the red plug like they said...
但是屏幕还是一片蓝色 ...and the screen is still blue.
我来帮你装有线电视（同：电缆） I'm here to give you cable.
噢，谢谢，我已经有了（电缆） Oh, thank you, I already have some.
喂？请别挂断 Hello? Don't go away, please.
真他妈的烦人 To heck with all this bunk!
搞定 There.
不要告诉别人好吗，露辛达？ Let's just keep this between us, Lucinda.
你有没有觉得自尊受伤害了 是因为你没有真正接触社会？ Is your selfesteem low because you aren't participating in the real world?
对，我自尊受伤害了 Yes, my selfesteem is very low.
我们面对它吧，你需要一个工作 Well, let's face it, you need a job.
有些事我必须告诉你，戴伦 There's something I have to tell you, Darrin.
我是个女巫 我是个女巫 I'm a witch. I'm a witch.
我是个女巫 I am a witch.
好，好 Good. Good.
哦，我的天啊 Oh, my goodness.
上帝保佑你 God bless you.
别看，杰克·怀特正盯着你 Don't look, but Jack Wyatt is staring at you.
我的心在乱跳 而且感觉很奇怪 My heart's pounding, and I am feeling very weird tingles.
我知道，他也让我恶心 I know. He makes me sick too.
你认识他？ You know him?
杰克·怀特？那个演员？ Jack Wyatt? The actor?
你从火星来的？ Where have you been?
我能坐下吗？ 当然 May I join you? Sure.
你好，我是杰克·怀特 我知道 Hi, I'm Jack Wyatt. I know.
谢谢 Thank you.
看，我以前从未这样的 Look, I've never done this before.
你想不想拍电视？ How would you like to be on a television show?
呃…… 毕格洛 Ms... Bigelow.
毕格洛？ Bigelow?
伊莎贝尔·毕格洛 Isabel Bigelow.
怎么样？想当大明星吗？ What do you think? Wanna be a famous actress?
我？ 对 Me? Yeah.
一个演员？ 对 An actress? Yeah.
我不会演戏 I can't act.
人人都会演戏 Anyone can act.
如果我会演戏，你也会演戏 If I can act, you can act.
阿门 Amen.
我想那边的顾客刚刚吃完豆泥 I think those people over there just finished their plate of hummus.
你或许得去帮忙换一下盘子，谢谢 You might wanna help them by clearing it. Thank you.
好吧，伊莎贝尔·毕格洛 你有工作吗？ So, Isabel Bigelow, do you have a job?
没有 你有钱吗？ No. Are you rich?
因为我有 Because I am.
我很有钱的 I'm extremely wealthy.
证明给你看，这份帐单我付了 Which I'm about to prove to you by taking care of this bill...
两美元 ...for two dollars...
31美分 ...and 31 cents.
哇！ “哇”，没错 Wow. Yeah. "Wow" is right.
我必须记得去赚钱 I have to remember to get some money.
对 Yeah.
你想既有钱又出名吗 So do you wanna be rich and famous?
我只想当个普通人 I just wanna be normal.
演戏比当普通人好多了 Well, acting is better than normal.
对，你必须装作自己是普通人 Yeah. You get to pretend to be normal.
如果你够好，就会成为明星 And then if you're good, you become a big star...
猜猜会发生什么？ 什么？ ...and guess what happens. What?
你只需要打个响指 你想要的一切瞬间就有了 You snap your fingers and pretty much anything you want materializes.
噢，不不不不不…… Oh, no. No, no, no.
这我现在就可以，这正是我想摆脱的 I have that now. It's what I'm giving up.
哦，很高兴认识你 Oh, it was lovely to meet you.
你看上去有点甜蜜，有点麻烦，有点落魄 You seem very sweet and unkempt and troubled.
嘿 Hey!
嘿，嘿，嘿，这些是批评别人的话 Hey, hey, hey. Those are bad things to say to a person.
噢，不，他们不是 Oh, no, they aren't.
我觉得失魂落魄的你也挺有意思的 I think the fact that you're a hopeless mess is very refreshing.
有点打动我了 It moves me.
伊莎贝尔·毕格洛 什么事？ Isabel Bigelow. Yes?
我需要你 I need you.
你说什么？ What did you say?
我说我需要你 你需要我？ I said, I need you. You need me?
我需要你 I need you.
你不需要去试镜 You don't have to come audition.
就去给他们表演一下 你刚才那个动作 Just come and show everyone what you look like when you do it.
就这样？ Like this?
神了 Uncanny.
一模一样 我告诉过你的 It's identical. I told you.
去吧，姑娘 You go, girl!
我们只要你读剧本 We would just like you to read the script.
从第十三页开始，应该已经作好标记了 Start on page 13. Should be marked there.
读吗？ Read it?
好，大声地读出来 Okay... Out loud.
对，我们想听听效果怎样 Yeah. We want an idea of what it could sound like.
内景，蜜月套房，晚上 破折号，晚上 "Int., honeymoon suite, night... Dash, night.
戴伦和萨曼莎坐在床上 Darrin and Samantha are sitting on the bed."
某人不是很聪明 Someone's not too bright.
只要读萨曼莎的部分就好了 Just... Just read the part that says "Samantha."
戴伦，我知道这是我们的蜜月 但有些事情我想告诉你 "Darrin, I know it's our honeymoon, but there's something I have to tell you.
我是个女巫 I'm a witch."
我不是女巫 很正确 I'm not a witch. Yeah, exactly.
对，你要说出来 谁告诉你的？ No, you're giving it up. Who told you?
接着你就坦白了，就在下一页 You're about to. On the next page.
家有仙妻，电视剧，我们重拍了 It's Bewitched. The TV show. We're redoing it.
哦，他们不让我看这个 Oh, I wasn't allowed to watch Bewitched.
谁不许看这个？ Who wasn't allowed to watch Bewitched?
太棒了，杰克 太棒了 That's great, Jack. That's great.
我演一个凡人 然后爱上你了 Well, I play a mortal. And I'm in love with you.
我不在乎你是个女巫 And I don't care that you're a witch.
你不在乎？ You don't care?
真的不在乎吗？ No? Is that true?
真的 Yes, it is. Yeah.
现在，来读台词 Now go ahead and read the lines.
我们一起来吧 I'll read with you. We'll do it together.
兰德尔？你在哪里？ 好，谢谢 Randall? Where are you? Yes. Thank you.
那很容易的 This'll be easy.
这儿吗？ 对 Here? Yeah.
我是个女巫，戴伦 I'm a witch, Darrin.
一个出没于房子，骑着扫帚飞 搅拌坩埚的女巫 A househaunting, broomstickflying, cauldronstirring witch!
太棒了 Great. Great.
你猜我怎么想？ 我们把剧本扔到一边即兴表演 Know what? Let's put the script down, let's put it away, and we'll improvise.
杰克，那就一句对白 Jack. That was only one line.
没什么大不了的 Not a big deal.
来吧，就这么坐着 Go ahead, just set it down.
兰德尔 Randall.
我问你几个问题 你就假设你是女巫来回答 I'm gonna ask you questions, just answer them as if you're a witch.
好的 好 Sure. Yeah.
你父母是巫师吗？ Were your parents in the witch business?
两个都是，我妈妈还操纵了 1986年世界职业棒球大赛 Both of them. My mother fixed the 1986 World Series.
有趣 记下来 Funny. Make a note of that.
你身上带着有毒的苹果吗？ 就像白雪公主里面一样 Do you carry around poison apples, like in Snow White?
噢，不，你需要许可才能拥有毒苹果 Oh, no, you have to have a permit for a poison apple.
许可？好吧，很高兴知道 Permit? Okay, good to know.
很好 That's good.
和男巫约会怎么样？ Oh, what's it like to date a warlock?
太可怕了 Oh! Horrible.
他们都很自我中心，不太聪明 自我感觉超好 They're selfcentered, not very bright, and all that feelgoodinthemoment.
跟你完全不一样 Not at all like you.
什么这么好笑？ What's so funny?
没什么，帅哥 Nothing, JBone.
你最喜欢的咒语是什么？ What's your favorite spell?
噢！不，我不想谈这个 因为我正准备退出，而且…… Oh, no, I don't like to talk about that because I'm quitting and...
谈论它会让我更难放弃 所以…… No, talking about it just makes it harder, so...
你真的从来没有看过那个电视剧？ Are you sure you never saw Bewitched?
她难以置信地投入 She's incredibly dialedin.
我能问个问题吗？ 当然 Can I ask a question? Sure.
我们还要演多久？ How much longer do we have to do this for?
哦，这个吗？快完了 Oh, this? We're almost done with this.
我的意思是，如果你演这个电视剧的话 我们就会永远在一起 I mean, if you do the show, we'll be together forever.
你和我？ 你愿意演这个电视剧吗？ You and I? Would you please do the show?
什么？这个电视剧？ 这个电视剧 What? This show? This show.
家有仙妻？ 完全正确 The Bewitched show? Absolutely.
我们会一起工作 我们会成为拍档 We'll work together. We'll be partners.
做我的电视新娘 Be my TV wife.
这很复杂 嫁给我吧 This is very complicated. Marry me.
说“我愿意” Say yes.
你在干什么，伊莎贝尔？ What are you doing, Isabel?
简单的回答 Easy answer.
我愿意 太棒了 Yes. Yes!
太棒了，谢谢你 Great. Thank you.
就这么定了，好吗？ Okay. Let's make the deal. Right?
从前，有一个普通的美国女孩 Once upon a time, there was a typical American girl...
偶然撞见一位普通的充满活力的美国男孩 ...who happened to bump into a typical redblooded American boy.
她一次次的撞到他，撞到他 And she bumped into him, and bumped into him.
所以他们就决定最好 趁他们发生事故之前 So they decided they'd better sit down and talk this over...
坐下来谈谈 ...before they had an accident.
他们成为了好朋友 They became good friends.
嗨 你好 Hi! Hello?
你不在家，他们就放在了我家 我说我会送过来的 They brought this while you were out. I said I'd bring it over.
我是你的邻居，我叫玛丽亚·凯莉 I'm your neighbor, Maria Kelly.
进来吧 谢谢 Come in! Thank you.
这些是什么东西？ What is all this stuff?
我刚刚得到一个很不可思议的工作 I just got the most amazing job.
我会在《家有仙妻》中演萨曼莎 他们准备重拍 I'm gonna be Samantha on Bewitched. They're redoing it.
你是个演员吗？ Are you an actress?
我想我是的 I guess I am.
我喜欢那个电视剧，是关于妖怪的吗？ I love that show. Is that the one about the genie?
不是 这太令人兴奋了 No. This is so exciting!
噢，来了，这就是你 Oh! There you are. Come here. This is you!
噢，我喜欢这电视剧 Oh, I love this show.
你知道它？ You know it?
每天晚上都看，喜欢这首歌，太棒了 Watched it every night. Love the song. Perfect.
那就是你，你棒极了，看那鼻子 There you are! You're great! Look at the nose!
我希望你能做这个 I hope you can do that.
就因为这个我才得到了这个角色 晃动我的鼻子 That's how I got the job. Wriggling my nose.
真的吗？ 这很简单 Really? It's easy.
谁演你丈夫？ Who's gonna play your husband?
杰克·怀特 噢，我的上帝 Jack Wyatt. Oh, my God.
他相信我，想我们做搭档，你听…… He believes in me. He wants to be partners with me. Listen to this:
“期待与你合作……伊莎贝尔 "Looking forward to working with you, Isabel.
由杰克的助手，兰德尔听写” As dictated to Jack's assistant, Randall."
难道这不令人惊异吗 Isn't that amazing?
他现在单身，小报上都是八卦报道 他妻子甩了他 He's single. It's in all the tabloids. His wife dumped him.
真的？ 是的 Is that true? Yes!
我的天呀 Oh, my gosh.
我不知道我们为什么这样 但是很有趣 I don't know why we're doing this, but it's fun.
我知道 I know!
尽管如此 但是你不应该和同事过于亲密的 Although, you shouldn't get involved with someone you're working with.
它会毁了你的职业人脉 我是个职业顾问，而且…… It can destroy your references. I'm a career counselor and...
但是他就是我接受这工作的原因 Well, that's the only reason I took the job.
他是世界上最可爱的傻瓜 他无可救药…… He is the cutest mess you have ever seen. He is hopeless.
上帝啊，他简直不是凡人 Oh, gosh, he's beyond mortal.
我父亲绝对不会同意的 My father would never approve.
好吧…… Oh. Well.
我不会？ I won't?
嗨，爸爸 Daddy. Hi.
你在这里干什么？ What are you doing here?
你好，伊莎贝尔，我喜欢那帽子 Hello, Isabel. Love the hat.
这位是？ And who is this?
这是我父亲 This is my father.
这是玛丽亚·凯莉 This is Maria Kelly.
多巧啊，刚说起你爸爸，他就出现了 How witchy was that? We talk about your father and he turns up.
玛丽亚是我的邻居 Maria is my neighbor.
奈杰尔 毕格洛，你好 Nigel Bigelow. Enchanté.
好 Okay.
我不会同意什么？ And what won't I approve of?
一个伊莎贝尔觉得可爱的男人 A man Isabel thinks is cute.
我完全反对 I'm completely against it.
我要在电视剧里当演员 I'm gonna be an actress in a television series.
她会在《家有仙妻》里面扮演萨曼莎 She's gonna play Samantha on Bewitched.
《家有仙妻》？ 那是对我们生活方式的一种侮辱 Bewitched? That's an insult to our way of life.
你爸爸真是逗 Your dad is a hoot.
我拿一束花先回家了 因为你有很多 I'm gonna take one of these, because you got a lot.
没问题 Oh, sure.
如果有人去我家偷东西的话，告诉我 我也会帮你看着家 Anyway, if anyone's robbing my house, let me know. I'll do the same for you.
哦，如果约你的家伙 有个朋友的话 Oh! And if you get a date that has a friend...
在你打电话给我之前 确信他没有秘密结婚 ...make sure he's not secretly married before you call me.
再见奈杰尔 再见玛丽亚 Bye, Nigel. Bye, Maria.
再见玛丽亚 Bye, Maria.
你为什么不能为我高兴？ Why can't you be happy for me?
在一周以内我会变成 一个富有，出名的演员 In less than a week I have become a rich and famous actress...
住在一个不用付房租的房子里 ...living in a house I don't even have to pay rent for...
就像地球上的其他人一样 ...just like every other person in the world.
我为什么不高兴呢？ Why wouldn't I be happy?
你背弃了你自己的同类 You've turned your back on your own kind...
现在租房子住在这条街上 ...and now you live down the street from a Denny's.
不要嘲笑我的生活 我也能嘲笑你的生活 Don't make fun of my life. I could make fun of your life.
好吧，那个男人怎么样 So, what about this man?
我什么都不会告诉你的 你太消极了 No, I am not telling you anything anymore, you're too negative.
一天早上，我射杀了只睡衣里的狮子 One morning, I shot a lion in my pajamas.
我也不知道 它在我的睡衣里忙什么 What he was doing in my pajamas, I'll never know.
经典，亚瑟大叔 Uncle Arthur. Classic.
你的低级笑话总是能迎合青少年的口味 Your brand of low comedy always did appeal to adolescent mentality.
我不会这么做的 I won't do it.
说到旅游，记得…… Speaking of traveling, remember that time...
或许我会 Maybe I will.
或许我会到欧洲去，这很美 Sent over from Europe. It's simply gorgeous.
这让我想起加利福尼亚的那个 It reminds me of the one in California.
露辛达，你真的应该看看这个 Lucinda, you really should be watching this.
我只是想说你违背了诺言 I'm only trying to say that you broke your promise.
你承诺过再也不…… You gave me your word, no more...
那个 Stuff.
改变习惯比我想象中更困难一些 It's a little harder to break the habit than I thought.
你能做到的 我很相信你 Well, you can do it. I've got a lot of faith in you.
谢谢，亲爱的 Thank you, darling.
女士们先生们 Ladies and gentlemen...
欢迎新《家有仙妻》 的主要演员们 ...please welcome the star of the new Bewitched:
杰克·怀特！ Jack Wyatt!
我没想到你们这些人会在这里 I didn't expect you guys to be here.
好吧，正如你们所知道的 我们来这儿是为了《家有仙妻》的 Okay, as you know, we're here for Bewitched.
但这不是你们记忆中的《家有仙妻》了 我们重拍了 But it's not the same Bewitched that you remember. It's being retooled.
但还是会有萨曼莎，对吗？ But there is going to be a Samantha?
当然，伊莎贝尔你能到这儿来吗？ Of course. Isabel, can you come out here?
勇敢点，你看上去很漂亮 Be brave. You look beautiful.
女士们先生们 Ladies and gentlemen of the press...
我将向你们介绍可爱迷人的 伊莎贝尔·毕格洛小姐 ...I'd like you to meet the talented and delightful Ms. Isabel Bigelow.
和大家打个招呼，伊莎贝尔 Say hello to the people, Isabel.
大家好 Hello.
不不，到麦克风前面来 No, no, into the microphone. Here. Here.
大家好 好了 Hello. That's enough.
做你该做的事情吧 Now do that thing that you do.
是不是很棒？ Isn't that great?
很好很好，站到那儿去吧 That was great. Great. Just stand there.
猜猜谁来演琳朵拉呢？ And guess who's playing Endora.
女士们先生们 请欢迎伟大的，传奇般的…… Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the great, the legendary...
爱丽丝·史密森小姐扮演我的岳母 ...Miss Iris Smythson, as my motherinlaw.
这就对了 That's right.
爱丽丝·史密森，爱丽丝？ Iris Smythson. Iris?
爱丽丝？ 好吧，发生什么事了 Iris? All right, what's going on?
爱丽丝·史密森 Iris Smythson.
当然，她讨厌我，不是吗？ And of course she hates me. Don't you?
随便你说，杰瑞 Anything you say, Jerry.
杰克，看到了吗？那是个玩笑，对吗？ Jack. See what I mean? That's a joke, right?
琳朵拉曾经老是把戴伦叫成戴伍 Endora used to refer to Darrin as Derwood.
不是，我就是忘了你的名字了 No, I just forgot your name.
但是这里的焦点不是爱丽丝·史密森…… But the news here isn't Iris Smythson...
或者正在尝试电视剧的杰克·怀特 ...or Jack Wyatt, who's trying the small screen...
在他上一部电影的双重失败之后…… ...after the twin disasters of his last movie...
又和妻子希拉分居了…… ...and a messy split from his wife, Sheila...
而她早已找到了新伴侣…… ...who's already found someone new...
在经历了历时仅仅19个月的婚姻之后 ...after a marriage that lasted only 19 months.
她不是抛弃了他去找一个 冲浪/内衣模特了吗？ Didn't she leave him for a snowboarder/underwear model?
他是个低能/笨蛋！ He's a moron/idiot.
正确 他们不是住在一起吗？ That's right. Aren't they living together?
对，在我的房子里！ 我还没有遇到她之前就买好的房子！ Yes, in my house! My house that I bought before I even met her.
她不搬家也不签离婚协议 And she won't move or sign the divorce papers.
大新闻是扮演萨曼莎的新人 The big news is the surprise casting of an unknown as Samantha.
她名字叫伊莎贝尔·毕格洛…… Her name is Isabel Bigelow...
她很可爱，不是吗？ ...and she's quite the charmer, isn't she?
那是魔法 那么怀特在想什么？ That's magic. So, what's Jack Wyatt thinking?
我的事业正在下滑 所以我希望通过扮演戴伦来制止这个势头 "My career has tanked, so I'll fix it by playing Darrin"?
对，因为他疯了 谁主宰他的生活？ Yeah. Because that's crazy. Who's running his life?
另外，他看上去也不好 Plus, he did not look well.
不好吗？我觉得看上去很好 Not look well? I look fine.
我非常健康 I'm extremely healthy.
瑞吉，瑞吉 Richie. Richie.
我该拿你怎么办 What am I gonna do with you?
小子 Boy.
我是瑞吉 This is Richie.
瑞吉，你为什么劝我接这个剧本？ Richie. Why'd you talk me into doing this show? Huh?
我在想什么？你在想什么？ What was I thinking? What were you thinking?
我们想的是一样的，至尊杰克 We were both thinking the same thing, Jack Attack.
找个新人来搭档，你就高枕无忧 Cast a nobody. You're completely safe.
瑞吉，难道你不能来一下吗？ 我需要一些帮助 Richie, can't you come over here? I could use a little support on this one.
杰克，我不能 因为我马上和NBC的高层有个会议 Jack, I can't because I'm about to step into a meeting with the head of NBC.
我迟些去 I'll be right there! One second.
我不知道你是否知道 但我就是戴伦，好吗？ Look, I don't know if you know this, but I'm Darrin, okay?
原来《家有仙妻》里的戴伦被换掉了 而竟然无人察觉 They replaced Darrin on the original Bewitched and no one noticed!
没人会取代你 Nobody is going to replace you.
我是戴伦！这一切怎么发生的 I'm Darrin! How did this happen?!
《家有仙妻》
领衔主演：杰克·怀特
联合主演：伊莎贝尔·碧格洛
开拍 Hold the work!
从前，有一个普通的充满活力的美国男孩…… Once upon a time, there was a typical redblooded American boy...
突然撞到了一个普通的美国女孩 ...who happened to bump into a typical American girl.
停！ And, cut!
杰克，杰克 我怎么样？怎么样？ Jack, Jack. How was I? How was I?
你很棒，伙计 太好了 You were wonderful, man. So good.
别对我说谎 不，我肋骨疼 Don't lie to me. No. My ribs hurt.
我就是吃这碗饭的 It's what I get paid to do.
杰克？从头再来一遍？ Jack? Uno más? From the top?
再来一遍？ One more?
你刚刚没看见？演的挺好的啊 Did you see what happened? Good stuff.
继续！ Moving on!
你知道的，干得好，很漂亮 You know it, dude. Nice one.
我们开始，开头不错，嗯？ Here we go. Off to a good start, huh?
不久之后，他做了一个充满活力 的美国男孩通常会做的事 And after a while, he did what any redblooded American boy would do.
萨曼莎你能嫁给我吗？ Samantha, will you marry me?
停！ Cut!
太好了，这太棒了 Great! Beautiful. That was good.
很好 That was good.
开始 你是一个女巫？ Action. You're a witch?
你一直等到我们的新婚夜才告诉我？ And you waited until our wedding night to tell me?
上帝啊，我不相信这是真的 I don't believe this! Oh, golly!
萨曼莎 Samantha.
停，停 Cut! Cut!
乔伊，看在上帝的份上 Joey, for God's sake.
你想把所有人都熏死吗？ 我们不能呼吸了 Are you trying to kill everyone? Because we can't breathe.
还有这闪电怎么回事？ And what's going on with the lightning?
你不能在演出中间向观众点头致意 这破坏了真实感 You can't nod to the audience in the show. It just breaks the reality.
什么？ What?
你不能朝他们点头致意 不能…… You can't nod to them. You can't do...
坐到你的座位上去，回到你座位上去 Go sit in your chair. Back to your chair.
好吧，不过…… All right, but...
再来一遍，走带！ Take two up. Rolling!
你是一个女巫？ 你一直等到我们的新婚夜才告诉我？ You're a witch? And you waited until our wedding night to tell me?
我不能相信这一切 I can't believe this.
怎么了？ What's going on?
萨曼莎 Samantha.
她为什么在挥手？ Why is she waving?
你是谁？ Who are you?
我是萨曼莎的妈妈，我叫琳朵拉 I am Samantha's mother, Endora.
一个凡人？你嫁给了一个凡人？ A mortal? You married a mortal?
噢，我可怜的宝贝，这太可怕了 Oh, my poor, poor baby. This is just horrifying.
我想我要喝一杯 I think I need a drink.
暂停 Freeze!
继续 Unfreeze!
真可惜你没喝 What a shame you didn't drink it.
如果你喝了的话 你就可能在新婚之夜变成一只牛蛙 If you had, perhaps you could've spent your wedding night as a bullfrog.
别担心萨曼莎，我不会这么做的 女巫的荣耀 Don't worry, Samantha. I won't do it. Witch's honor.
亲爱的，我们如水银一般 My darling, we are quicksilver.
我们是稍瞬即逝的影子 We're a fleeting shadow.
我们是远方的声响 We're a distant sound.
这是你的母亲？ 我们住在清风之上 That's your mother? We live on the wind...
在闪烁的群星之中 ...in the sparkle of a star.
你愿意为了一亩杂草 放弃这所有的一切？ And you want to trade all that for an acre of crabgrass?
她刚才叫我一亩杂草？ Did she just call me an acre of crabgrass?
面对现实，戴伍 Deal with it, Derwood.
谢谢，谢谢 Thank you. Thank you.
谢谢 Thank you!
为什么我要分杯羹？ I want a piece of the show. Why?
因为是我把这个剧组凑到一起的 这就是为什么 Because I put this thing together, that's why.
因为杰克·怀特不会 不和我商量而作决定的 Because Jack Wyatt doesn't parallel park without checking with me.
一会儿打给你，帅哥 Let me call you back. JBone!
你演得太棒了，真得太棒了 You're crushing it, baby. Absolutely crushing it.
我想我们有戏了 真令人激动 I think we got something. It's exciting.
伊莎贝尔怎么样？ 她太棒了 How's Isabel doing? She's perfect.
她看起来很性感，而且让你出尽风头 She looks hot and she lets you score like a madman.
我知道，她太棒了 I know. She's great.
真不敢相信你找到了她 I can't believe you found her.
你觉得她察觉到了 You think she's gonna notice?
什么？她毫无戏份？ 绝无可能，她笨死了 What? That she doesn't have a part? Not a chance. She's clueless.
另外我觉得她对你有意思 Plus, I think she's got a little thing for you.
太可悲了 It's freaking pathetic.
你这么认为的？ 对 You think so? Yes.
那就…… Man, that would be...
是个噩梦，我知道，你能想象吗？ Such a nightmare. I know. Can you imagine?
尽管她的小俏背不俗 Although, she does have kind of a cute little back end on her.
我不会因为她吃一盒饼干 而把她从床上踢下去 I wouldn't kick her out of bed for eating a box of crackers.
伊莎贝尔？ Isabel?
她听见我们了吗？ 绝无可能 Did she hear us? Not a chance.
剧本有一些修改 A couple of changes to the script.
剧本有些太长了 我们删掉了一些你的台词 It was running a little long, so we cut your lines.
这样想好了，这样就可以少记一些 Think of it this way, it's less to memorize.
对不起 Sorry.
午饭时间 Lunch!
伊莎贝尔！ Isabel!
我感觉我像一个傻瓜 一个可悲的大傻瓜，而且我还很生气 I feel like a fool. A big, stupid, sad fool, and yet I'm angry as well.
怎么了？ What's going on?
我们把他的拖车烧了吧，动手吧 Let's set fire to his trailer. Let's just do it.
伊莎贝尔，这太棒了，你上电视了 Isabel, this is awesome! You're on TV.
他对我撒谎 He lied to me.
他捉弄了我，他说他需要我的 He tricked me. He said he needed me.
他真正需要的就是 当他在说自作聪明的台词时 When all he needed was someone to stand next to him...
有个人站在他身边 ...while he says his stupid clever lines.
嗨，我是玛丽亚 我是尼娜 Hi, I'm Maria. Nina.
他看上去很腼腆，很真诚 但实际上他是装出来的 He seemed so messy and sincere. But really, he's just a big fake.
我们可以电死他，这里附近有很多电线 We could electrocute him. There's tons of wires around here.
我想哭，我想砸东西 我想伤害他 I wanna cry, I wanna break things. I wanna hurt him.
但是内心深处对他还有一点点感觉 Yet there's a part of me that still has a small amount of feeling for him.
怎么会这样？ How can this be?
当我第一个丈夫离开我的时候 我想拆了他的刹车 When my first husband left me, I wanted to cut the brakes in his car...
但到最后我和他在机器上做爱了 ...but instead we ended up having sex on the elliptical machine.
他不知道他正和谁斗，他根本不知道 He doesn't understand who he's dealing with. He has no idea.
听着，你有三个选择 Look, you have three options:
忍耐 You put up with it...
退出 ...quit...
发火 ...or get mad.
萨曼莎会怎么做？ What would Samantha do?
她选择发火，对吗？ She chose mad, right?
大家做好准备 Okay, everybody, settle down.
好，安静地工作，就像小老鼠一样 Okay, working very quietly, like little mice.
我不想听到或者看到你们在干什么 I don't want to see or hear what you're doing.
好吧，伊莎贝尔，再刷新一下你的记忆 戴伦的前女友 Okay, so, Isabel, just to refresh your memory, Darrin's exgirlfriend...
我看过剧本了 I read the script.
好的，我们就再多复习一遍 Okay. Well, let's just go over it one more time.
我们排练了好几遍了 Oh, and we rehearsed it a lot.
我知道 Well, I'm aware of that.
戴伦的前女友邀请你们两个一起吃饭 Darrin's exgirlfriend has invited you both over for dinner.
戴伦逼你一起去 And Darrin forced you to come with him...
他耍我 因为他是个过气的自我中心的人 He tricked me. Because he is a selfcentered hasbeen.
不，不，亲爱的，他不是的 No, no, baby, that's not it. No.
因为他想要回他的狗 然后戴伦说了那句台词 Because he wants his dog back, and then Darrin says his line:
这是我的狗 这是我的狗 "It's my dog. It's my dog.
我要它回来 我要它回来 I want him back." I want him back.
我每次都想笑，杰克，你准备好了吗？ It always kills me, Jack. You ready to go?
开始吧 Let's do it. Let's do it.
准备，走带！ Saddle up. Rolling!
开拍！ Action!
这是我的狗 It's my dog.
我的狗！ My dog!
如果他不跟我回去我会死的 你明白吗？！ And I will die if I do not have him back. Do you understand?!
如果他不跟我回去，我会死的！ I will die if I do not have him back!
停！ Cut.
似乎有点过了，杰克 你想稍微收一下吗？ Well, that was a bit much, Jack. You wanna take it down a notch?
或更多点？ Or five?
这么着，继续吧 让我继续，这次会好的 You know what? Just keep it going. Let me just go. I'll get it this time.
走带！ Rolling!
开拍！ Action!
吾之小狗，汝在何方 Where art thou, dog?
吾之爱人 Thy canine lover.
发生什么事了？ What's happening?
经常舔我颈背 那热乎乎的舌头去哪儿了？ Where is your hot breath upon the nape of my neck?
我们应该在人类和野兽之间 建立一个兄弟般的纽带 We shall form a bond of brotherhood: Man and beast.
你该舔我的脸，我该舔你的鼻子 You shall lick my face and I shall lick your snout.
停，杰克 Cut. Jack.
我绝对不是有意这样做的，我发誓 Guys, I'm not doing this on purpose, I swear to you.
好吧，没关系 Okay. All right.
走带 Rolling.
上帝啊，我的狗在哪里？ Oh, my God. Where's my dog?
我有一条很棒的狗 Totally. I have a totally great dog.
杰克，杰克，你在干什么？ Jack. Jack. What are you doing?
这一幕是狗要在戴伦的 前任女友和戴伦之间做出选择 This is where the dog has to decide between Darrin's ex and Darrin.
萨曼莎晃了晃鼻子，狗选择了戴伦 Samantha wiggles her nose and the dog chooses Darrin.
走带！ Rolling!
我知道我们该怎么解决这个问题，戴伦 我们让小齐自己决定 I know how we can solve this, Darrin. We'll let Satchel decide.
这个办法很好 That's a great idea.
到爸爸这里来，小齐 看，真乖 Come to Daddy, Satchel. Look! Good boy.
到妈妈这里来 乖孩子 Come to Mommy. Good boy.
小齐…… 好吧，伊莎贝尔晃你的鼻子 Satchel... Okay, Isabel, wiggle your nose.
小齐，小齐，来妈妈这里 Satchel. Satchel. Come to Mommy.
小齐，小齐 来啊来啊，到这儿来 Satchel. Satchel. Come on. Come on. Up!
就在这儿，来爸爸这里 那妈妈这里来，小齐 Right here. Come to Daddy. Come to Mommy, Satchel.
我明白了，杰克，我明白了 I got it, Jack. I got it.
我看你敢到爸爸那里去 到妈妈这儿来 Don't you dare go to Daddy. Come to Mommy!
不不不，你喜欢爸爸 来吧，小齐 No, no, no. You love Daddy. Come on, Satchel.
过来 过来 Come on. Come on.
小齐到妈妈这里来 Satchel, come to Mommy.
他来了，他来了 他只是坐在那里 He's coming. He's coming. He's just sitting there.
来啊来啊，宝贝 Come on! Come on, boy!
到妈妈这儿来，小齐 To Mommy, Satchel.
停！ 吉姆，这是怎么回事？ Cut! Jim, what's going on here?
乔伊！ Joey!
如果那狗还是往你这儿跑 你就说这个 If the dog runs to you again, try this.
到爸爸这儿来，小齐 Come to Daddy, Satchel.
小齐，到妈妈这儿来 Satchel, come to Mommy.
来吧来吧，小齐 Come on! Come on, Satchel.
来吧，孩子，好吗？ 到妈妈这儿来 Come on, boy, please? To Mommy.
好孩子 Good girl.
来吧 跳，跳 Please, boy, come on! Jump, boy! Jump!
感谢上帝你养的可不是丹麦大狼狗 Thank God you didn't have a Great Dane.
该死 Damn it!
停！ Cut!
亲爱的，那真不可思议呀 Darling, that was marvelous.
但是…… 小心这个 But... Watch out for that.
求你别说出去 Please don't say anything.
冷静，并不是只有你这样 Calm down, you're not alone.
真的？ 不是 I'm not? No.
还有别人？ 有很多人 Are there others? There are many others.
很多演员都培养自己的技巧 Many actors, they develop tricks...
实际上是一些小把戏 ...twitches, really.
你别学那样 You don't want to become mannered.
噢不，我不会的 不 Oh, no, I don't. No.
谢谢你，爱丽丝 Thank you, Iris.
你好 Hello.
爸爸，什么…… Daddy, what...?
这就是我那要放弃魔法和咒语的 神奇的女儿吗？ If it isn't my spellcasting magical daughter who gave up witchcraft.
今天够你受的吧？不是吗？ You've had quite a day today, haven't you?
我被激怒了，我从车上掉下来 仅仅这一次而已 I was provoked. I fell off the wagon. It was a onetime thing.
所以你再也不爱他了？ So you're not in love with him anymore?
这辈子我最讨厌的莫过于那个男人 I have never disliked a man more in my entire life...
这证明我完全和他一刀两断了 ...which proves that I am completely over him.
没必要，实际上…… Not necessarily. In fact...
另外，这只是一刹那的迷恋 Besides, it was just a crush, which is an intense but superficial attraction...
很容易被误以为更深层次的东西 你赶紧消失吧 ...that can easily be mistaken for something deeper. Now go away.
我对琳朵拉也有意思 I have a crush on Endora.
什么？ What?!
爸爸，你在哪里？ Daddy, where are you?
我说了，我对琳朵拉有意思 I said, I have a crush on Endora.
不要，爸爸 太可爱了 Daddy! No. So lovely.
她不叫琳朵拉，她叫爱丽丝 Her name is not Endora. It's Iris.
爱丽丝，春天的花朵 Iris. A spring flower.
你不可以 You can't.
现在证明我完全看错了他 工作就是我的全部了 Now that I turned out to be so wrong about him, my job is all that I've got.
拜托别火上浇油了 我怎么会呢？ Please don't mess it up. How could I do that?
你和她上床，又对她不忠 You'll sleep with her, cheat on her...
她会疯掉的，然后她就拿我出气 ...she'll go crazy and she'll take it out on me.
我不想你和爱丽丝有瓜葛，我是认真的 I don't want you to get involved with Iris. I mean it.
你不能不做女巫 You can't stop being a witch.
我能的，你看着吧 I can too. You'll see.
不能 能 Cannot. Can too.
接受现实吧 绝不 Just accept it. Never.
跟我谈谈《家有仙妻》吧 Tell me about Bewitched.
有人说是电视网愚蠢的炒冷饭 Some have said it's a crass attempt by the network to market nostalgia...
而不愿冒险进行新的尝试 ...rather than take a risk on new ideas.
这不是旧版的《家有仙妻》 它已经焕然一新 This isn't the old Bewitched. It's been refocused.
我们这么说吧 我唯一不会做的事情就是这个 Let's just say the only thing I won't be doing is this:
所以你把晃鼻子的动作留给了女巫？ So you leave the nosewiggling to the witch.
但你做得非常好 But you do it so well.
我不知道，尽管我教过她了 Well, I don't know about that. I did coach her, though.
我们能拍一个特写吗？拍鼻子 Can we get a closeup on the nose?
最好不要 I'd rather not.
哪个摄影机？ Which camera?
这个？好的 Here? Okay.
我们是否应该讨论一下…… Shall we discuss...
我们敢于讨论《去年在加德满都》吗？ ...dare we discuss, Last Year in Katmandu?
你好，尼娜 Hi, Nina.
对对，我在看他 Yes! Yes, I am watching him.
dick（阳具）是什么东西？ What's a dick?
没有人会刻意拍一部差电影 No one ever sets out to make a bad movie.
这和他极其恶心有什么关系 What does that have to do with how obnoxious he is being?
有一些电影是演艺事业的终结者 Some movies are careerenders.
对对，我们需要一个计划 Right. Right, we need a plan.
出什么事了？ What went wrong?
你知道的，我一向不喜欢指责别人 You know, I hate to point fingers...
但是我还是要指责服装部 ...but I'm gonna blame the wardrobe department.
服装部？ The wardrobe department?
我想是他们出了问题 I think it got in the way.
或许我应该退出 Maybe I should quit.
亲爱的，你不能退出 Honey, you can't quit.
为什么不能？大家不都是经常这么做吗？ Why not? Isn't that what people do?
他必须退出，不是你 He has to quit, not you.
说得容易 Yeah, like that's ever gonna happen.
我们必须逼他退出 We have to make him quit.
如果我们有他的裸照和 家畜的照片的话…… If we get naked pictures of him and pictures of farm animals...
我就能用Photoshop做一下 ...I could just Photoshop them.
这个主意好 That's an excellent idea.
等一下，等一下 冷静一下 No, no, no. Wait. Calm down. Calm down.
这不是我想要的 我想要一些正常的事情 No, no, no, this not what I wanted. I wanted something normal.
我应该怎么办呢？ What should I do?
噢，天哪 Oh, my.
太混乱了 What a mess.
你的克莱拉姑妈曾经 能漂亮地着陆的 Your Aunt Clara used to be able to make a clean landing.
克莱拉姑妈？ Aunt Clara?
哦，克莱拉姑妈 Oh, Aunt Clara.
感谢上帝你在这儿 Oh, thank goodness you're here.
我在工作上有了大大的麻烦了 我准备退出了 I am in the middle of a total, total crisis at work. I'm quitting.
你不能退出，电视剧必须继续下去 You mustn't quit. The show must go on.
伊莎贝尔你还好吗？ Isabel, are you all right?
我的朋友们在外面 他们不知道我们是女巫 Oh, my friends... I have friends... They don't know we're witches.
绝不多嘴 Mum's the word.
你知道吗，有个克莱拉姑妈 在原来的《家有仙妻》里面 You know, there was an Aunt Clara on the original Bewitched.
太巧了 What a coincidence!
她是个女巫 She was a witch.
我也是 So am I.
她经常把事情搞砸 She was always screwing up.
真的吗？ 我下定决心了 Really? I have made up my mind.
我明天退出然后我做其他事情 比方说出海 I am quitting tomorrow and I'll do something else, like sailing...
或者擦水果 ...or polishing fruit.
真可惜你不是个女巫 否则你可以对杰克用咒语 It's too bad you're not a witch, you could put a hex on Jack.
我能的，我当然能 Oh, I can. I certainly can.
谁是杰克？ Who is Jack?
我退出的原因 The reason I'm quitting.
为什么不对他用魔法？ Well, why not put a hex on him.
因为我已经决定放弃了 Because I'm giving it up.
就一个小魔法 克莱拉姑妈 Just a little one. Aunt Clara.
只要让他守规矩 Just to get him to behave.
我来 I'll do it.
然后我能继续拥有我的工作 它能给我自尊 And then I can keep my job. Which would help my selfesteem.
对于魔法，只有一个问题 You know, there's only one problem with a hex.
那就是世上根本不存在魔法这东西 There's no such thing as magic.
所以…… So...
你的建议是什么呢？ 怀疑小姐 ...what's your idea, Little Miss Doubtful?
好吧，我有一只电击枪 尼娜 Well, I have a Taser. Nina.
我觉得我们应该电晕他 然后把他扔到水族馆的鲨鱼池里面去 I think we should Taser him and throw him into the shark tank at SeaWorld.
不，你觉得我们应该用魔法 No. You think we should do a hex.
我觉得我们应该用魔法 I think we should do a hex.
一点点茉莉花 Pinch of jasmine.
西方雪果 Wolfbane.
葡萄柚的皮 Grapefruit pith.
我觉得好有活力 I feel so alive.
我觉得自己就是曾经 取笑过的那些人之一 I feel like one of those people I'd make fun of.
我觉得我相信独角兽 I feel like I believe in unicorns.
我放西方雪果了吗？ 我不记得了 Did I put in the wolfbane? I can't remember.
克莱拉姑妈 谢谢，亲爱的，谢谢 Aunt Clara. Thank you, darling. Thank you.
哦，那么 Oh, well.
伊莎贝尔 Isabel.
伊莎贝尔，贝贝 Isabel, bobel
我的莎莎 Bonanafana fofel
亲 爱 贝 贝 Feefyfofel
伊莎贝尔 Isabel
命名游戏！ "The Name Game"!
哦，老弟 早上好 Oh, boy. Good morning.
兰德尔，把那蹩脚的标志从机器上拿走 Randall, take that stupid sign off that machine.
免费招待牛奶咖啡 Free cappuccinos for everyone.
大家如何啊？有人看到伊莎贝尔？ 没，怎么了？ How we doing? Anyone seen Isabel? No, why?
因为我想她 Because I miss her.
听着，杰克 嗯？ Listen, Jack. Yes?
我们拿到试验剧集的评测了…… We got the test scores from the pilot...
伊莎贝尔评价表现如何？最高的99分！ How did Isabel do? Ninetynine percent in the top box!
为什么不早告诉我？好消息啊！ Why didn't you tell me? This is great news.
理所当然的99分啦，因为她与众不同 Of course she got a 99 percent. Because she's dynamite.
绝对的与众不同 Absolute dynamite.
处处都是欢呼 Highfives all the way around.
但是，杰克，有个问题 对你的评价…… But, Jack, there is a problem. Your scores...
32分？至少比鸭蛋好，啊？ Thirtytwo percent. That's better than zero, huh?
你知道吗？这是具有建设性的评价 You know what? That's constructive criticism.
狗的得分都比我高，可爱的狗狗 The dog scored higher than me. He's a cute dog.
影评人怎么说？ What do the comment cards say?
呃，他们没…… Oh, they don't really...
“杰克·怀特活像块木头” "Jack Wyatt is a real tool."
但至少是好一块木头，就像红木的 But a good tool. Like a Jacksaw!
你猜这么着？谁在乎？ 这只是意味着还得努力工作，好吗？ You know what? Who cares? This just means we got hard work to do, okay?
嘿，我从未说过自己完美 更重要的是伊莎贝尔 Hey, I never said I was perfect. The important thing is Isabel.
伊莎贝尔 对，毫无疑问 Isabel. Yeah, no question.
明白了？ 完全明白 Agreed? Totally on board.
大家早上好 Good morning, everyone.
她来了 There she is!
是我的幻觉 还是你的到来真的令这里蓬荜生辉？ Is it just my imagination, or is the room actually brighter with her here?
瞧瞧这不可思议的才气 Look at this bundle of miraculous talent.
去他的99，我给你100分，100！ Forget 99, I give her 100! 100!
排练！ Rehearsing!
“内景，公寓，白天 "Interior, apartment, day.
萨曼莎和戴伦坐在拥挤的房间里面” Samantha and Darrin are sitting in their overcrowded apartment."
戴伦，我觉得我们得买间房子 而且我找到中意的了 Darrin, I think we should buy a house and I found one that I love.
你真棒！ You nailed that!
我就要晕过去了，她是不是很棒？ I'm about to have a heart attack. Isn't she great?
现在我吻你，因为她喜欢我们的新房 And now I kiss her, because she's in love with our new house.
哦，你不能吻我，这场戏没有我 Oh, you can't kiss me. I'm not in this scene.
这场没你？ 没 You're not in the scene? No.
不不不，这场没她？ 岂有此理？不能这样！ No, no, no. She isn't in the scene? This isn't happening! What?!
她必须每场戏都有！听见没？ She has to be in every scene! Okay?
重编！去！重编！ Rewrite! Go! Rewrite.
诸位，伊莎贝尔需要搞笑的台词 Everyone, Isabel needs a joke.
我喜欢搞笑的 I would love a joke.
台词搞笑，马上就好 One joke, coming up.
哦，然后我吻她，因为她是那么的风趣 Oh, and then I kiss her because she's so funny.
还有工作，她需要一份工作 And a job. She needs a job.
对！对！让她当跨国公司的CEO Yes! Yes! Make this woman the CEO of a multinational corporation.
好主意，杰克 不，超好的主意 Good idea, Jack. No. Great idea.
然后我吻她，因为她是如此的有力 And then I kiss her because she's so powerful.
药劲太猛，怎么了？ It's too much, what happened?
克莱拉姑妈，克莱拉姑妈？ Aunt Clara. Aunt Clara?
快接电话 事情变糟了 Please pick up the phone, something terrible is happening.
事情变糟了 Something terrible is happening.
我知道，我知道 事情本不该这样，而且…… I know, I know. It wasn't supposed to, and...
你不该，绝不该和一个演员有瓜葛 You should never, ever get involved with an actor.
我和他没瓜葛，我是这么想的 I'm not involved with him, I don't think.
女巫的荣耀？ 什么？ Witch's honor? What?
我正扮琳朵拉呢 I'm just being Endora.
伊莎贝尔，演员也很平凡 有时比平凡好些 Isabel, actors look normal, sometimes better than normal.
但深层次去想，没深层次这回事 But deep down, there is no deep down.
我原以为你是安全的，他不喜欢你 I thought you were safe. He loathed you.
究竟发生了什么？ What on earth happened?
一点儿魔力，我猜 A little witchcraft, I suspect.
即便不是我们的魔法，是吗？亲爱的 Even though we weren't going to do it, were we, darling?
我是奈杰尔·毕格洛，伊莎贝尔的父亲 你好 I'm Nigel Bigelow, I'm Isabel's father. How do you do?
老爸，我们谈过这个（不要勾搭女人） 记得吗？ Daddy, we talked about this, remember?
我是…… 我知道你是谁 I'm... I know who you are.
我看过你所有的作品 I've seen everything you've ever done.
在佛罗伦萨拍的《Lysistrata》 在纽约拍的《Blithe Spirit》 Lysistrata in Florence, Blithe Spirit in New York.
老爸！ 而你，琳朵拉，让人惊讶 Daddy! But your Endora is a marvel.
其实倒也不难 It comes so easily, really.
哦，确实，我是个女巫 Oh, yes, because I am a witch.
哦？当真？ 嗯，是的 Oh, really? Oh, yes.
漫步莱切斯特广场时我点亮所有的灯火 I put out all the lights in Leicester Square just by walking past.
哦，愿闻其详，都给我说说 Oh, tell me more. Tell me everything.
哦，请进 为你着迷 Oh, please come in. Charmed.
这真是……什么？ This is just... What...?
伊莎贝尔！ Isabel!
嘿！伊莎贝尔！伊莎贝尔！ Hey! Isabel! Isabel!
嗨，听着，或许今晚我们可以共进晚餐 天啊，我好紧张 Hi! Listen, maybe we could go to dinner tonight. God, I'm so nervous.
恐怕不行，我得回家 这不算约会 I don't think so, I have to get home. We won't make it a date.
我正巧路过，然后问问你是不是想吃饭了 I'll just happen to stop by and ask if you're hungry.
不 好的！你答应了！ No. Yes! That's a yes!
不！ 我马点到 No! I'll be by at great.
我是说，我八点到 I mean, I'll be by at 8.
路过，若你需要什么 我就在你身边，好吗？ Stop by if you need anything. I'm right here. Okay.
克莱拉姑妈！ Aunt Clara!
撤销！撤销！ 你的药太猛了！撤销！ Undo it! Undo it! You overdid it! Undo it!
哦，亲爱的 克莱拉姑妈！ Oh, dear. Aunt Clara!
我也不太清楚如何撤销 撤销和做事是两码事 I'm not too sure how to undo it. Undoing it's not the same as doing it.
他约我吃晚饭，可我不想这样 He wants to have dinner. This isn't what I wanted.
尝尝？ Lorna Doone?
不！ No!
亲爱的，我确信只要你想 就可以撤销魔法 Darling, I'm sure you can undo the hex if you really want to.
日本需要我 I'm expected in Japan.
呃？没起作用啊？ That certainly didn't work, did it?
克莱拉姑妈？ Aunt Clara?
克莱拉姑妈，快回来 Aunt Clara, come back here right now.
他马上就要到了，克莱拉姑妈！ He's gonna be here any minute. Aunt Clara!
也没关系，反正我不会和他出去 But that doesn't matter, because I'm not going out with him.
不，不，我不去，我不去 No, no, I'm not. I'm not!
呃，我得…… Oh, I'd better...
《魔力》 BY 弗兰克·辛纳屈
哦，谁在乎我看起来怎样 Oh, who cares what I look like.
我得撤销魔法 I'm just gonna undo the hex.
那我就不必费力打扮自己了 I'm not even gonna bother dressing up.
我就打开门，撤销魔法 然后甩手把门砸在他脸上 I'm just gonna open the door, undo it and slam the door in his face!
嘿，我正巧路过这里，瞧这玫瑰…… Hey. I just happened to be in the neighborhood with these roses...
...还有Cat Stevens的CD…… ...and a Cat Stevens CD...
...还有这手镯…… ...and this bracelet...
...我顺路来看看 ...and I thought I'd stop by.
你有点紧张 像只猪 You're sweating. Like a pig.
哦，好可爱 Oh, how divine.
你看上去超好 You look stunning.
真的？真好 No! Ravishing.
你看上让人“眩晕” You look "stunnishing."
是你的钱包？ Is this your purse?
你感觉不冷，是吗？ You're not too cold, are you?
不冷 也不太热？ No. You're not too warm?
那好 Okay.
我们是不是要去哪里？ 吃晚餐 Are we going somewhere? Dinner.
拿着，我们走 Here. Here you go.
我想知道你的一切 I wanna know everything.
你说，好吗？我只管听 You talk, okay? I'm just gonna listen.
释放你的魅力 然后我像庄稼一样的统统吸收 Shed your radiance and I'll just soak it up like a plant.
从幼儿园说起 Start in kindergarten.
我没上过幼儿园，我是在家教育的 I didn't go to kindergarten. I was homeschooled.
你是在家教育的？我也是 You were homeschooled? So was I.
真巧，有点怪哦 How amazing. That's freaky.
我起疙瘩了 I'm getting chills.
是啊，是很神奇 Yeah, that is kind of amazing.
我父母是嬉皮士，你的呢？ My parents were hippies. Were yours?
不 好奇怪！ No. That's so weird!
我父母是嬉皮士，而你父母不是 真怪啊？ My parents were hippies, and yours weren't. What are the odds?
但我们却有熏香和蜡烛 But we did have incense and candles.
我们也是 真的？ So did we. You did?
直到现在，熏香还让我难受 To this day, incense makes me puke.
是呀，我也这样！ Yes, me too!
真巧！ 噢 Amazing! Wow.
我买了只鸭子 I brought duck.
我喜欢鸭子 I love duck.
我也是，你瞧真巧！ So do I. How amazing is that?
其实，多数人都喜欢鸭子 Well, most people love duck.
你知道吗？不，多数人不喜欢鸭子 You know what? No, they don't.
等等，我为你写了首歌 Wait. I wrote you a song.
从未有人给写过歌 No one's ever written me a song.
那么，我做到了 Well, I did.
嘿，美丽女孩 Hey, pretty lady
回到我的心房 Come back here with my heart
嘿，美丽女孩 Hey, pretty lady
你是否梦已成真？ Are you a dream made real?
你治愈了我的灵魂 My soul, you have healed
让我成为更好的人 Make me a better man
我愿在你的世界 I wanna set up residence
永远驻留 In your promised land
听，接下来是电吉他的过门 Okay, and this is the power ballad guitar solo.
你的世界！ Promised land!
现在你来合声 Now you sing the chorus.
你的世界 Promised land
架子鼓 Drum solo.
你的世界！ Promised land!
踢腿 Leg kick.
好嘞，我要砸吉他 Okay, I'm gonna break the guitar.
你的世界！ Promised land!
我们要接吻了，是吗？ We're about to kiss, aren't we?
我打算如此，但是感谢你弄砸这气氛 多嘴小姐 I thought so, but thanks for ruining the moment, Miss Narrator.
哦，我的红宝石 Oh, my ruby jewel.
什么？ 我的巧克力草莓 What? My chocolatecovered strawberry.
我想像只晒太阳的家猫…… I wanna bask in our love...
……那样感受我们的爱 ...like a house cat lying in the sun.
杰克，杰克，杰克，停停，我忘了 Jack, Jack, Jack. Stop. Stop. I forgot.
哦，我忘记了 Oh, I let myself forget.
感觉真好，我情不自禁，而且…… It was so nice, I couldn't help myself, and...
哦，杰克！ Oh, Jack!
有点麻烦，这……不 This is sad. This is... No.
让我们在热气球里做爱 Let's make love in a hotair balloon.
在糖果工厂里做爱 Let's make love in a candy factory.
在宠物公园里做爱 Let's make love in a petting zoo.
我得撤销魔法，必须 I have to undo this, I do.
在大海上做爱 在杀人鲸背脊上做爱 Let's make love at SeaWorld, on the back of a killer whale.
除非是真实的，否则毫无意义 Because it doesn't mean anything unless it's real.
女巫所期许 凡人无理会 What witches wish No mortal needs
让时光倒流 去收回覆水 Let time repent And unsow its seeds
现在，我念出救赎和悔恨的古咒语： And now, I speak the ancient word of redemption and regret:
快退 Rewind.
那么你把晃鼻子这招留给了女主角 So you leave the nosewiggling to the witch.
可你做得很棒啊 我确实指点了她几手 But you do it so well. I did coach her, though.
我们能拍个特写？鼻子 Can we get a closeup on the nose?
最好别 I'd rather not.
哪台摄影机？ Which camera?
你好，尼娜 Hello, Nina.
我就知道是你，仅此而已 I just knew it was you, that's all.
没错，就是，他就是个大阳具 Yes, he is. He is a giant male reproductive organ.
不用想了，我已经知道该怎么办了 We don't need a plan, I already know what I'm gonna do.
就他的行为，我得同他谈谈 I'm gonna speak to him about his behavior.
我得同他细致直接的谈谈 我想他会改变的 I'm gonna talk to him sensibly and directly, and I know he will change.
你会知道的，再见 You'll see. Bye.
走开，萨曼莎 我知道自己再做什么 Butt out, Samantha, I know what I'm doing.
我是认真的 I mean it.
Jack, Jack, boback
Bonanafana fofack
Feefiboback
杰克 Jack
嘿，给我弄20杯咖啡 然后拣最好的给我 Guys, make me 20 cappuccinos. Bring me the best one.
嘿，帅哥，嘿，兄弟 Hey, JBone. Hey, buddy.
试映的评分出来了 The test scores are in.
我怎么样？90？100？120？ How'd I do? Ninety? Hundred? Onetwenty.
140？ 猜得好 Oneforty! Good ballpark.
上面说什么？我在这，就在这 What did it say? I got it. I got it right here.
3－2 Thirtytwo.
我32分？ I got a 32?
真的假的？ Is that for real?
狗的分数都比我高 The dog scored higher than I did.
呃，不是你的分数，是戴伦的分数 Well, it's not you, Jack, it's Darrin.
“那个杰克·怀特真是块木头 我们讨厌他 "That Jack Wyatt is a real tool. We hate him.
就是指那演员，不是指角色” We mean the actor, not the character."
克制一下 Get a grip.
抱抱我 Hug me.
过来 Come here.
我只能落魄到去酒店表演了 I'm gonna be doing dinner theater in Boca Raton.
他们讨厌这剧集，整个剧集 They hate the show, the whole show.
他们讨厌所有的人 They hate everyone on it.
嗨，大家好 是很好，没错 Yeah, everybody. They did. Yep.
伊莎贝尔肯定更惨 Isabel must've gotten savaged.
她99分？ She got a 99?!
99？真的假的？ Ninetynine? Is this for real?
是在开玩笑？ Is that a joke?
她连台词也没有！ She didn't say anything!
怎么可能台词都没有的... How is it that someone who doesn't say anything...
...得分比尽说台词的还要高？ ...scores higher than someone who had all the lines?
喔，老天.... Oh, my...
你们有人曾想到过会这样？ Did anyone anticipate this as a possibility?
真是后见之明 Hindsight's 20/20.
大家早上好 而且他们说我是块木头？！ Good morning, everyone. And they think I'm a tool?!
自打15岁起就没人再叫我木头！ I haven't been called a tool since I was 15!
谢谢，谢谢你们！ Thank you, guys! Thank you!
你们猜这么着？ 从没人喜欢戴伦！没人！ You know what? No one ever liked Darrin! No one!
为什么我们还以为这会改善？ Why did we ever think that was gonna change?
我有话要说 I have something to say.
真不敢相信！就32？ This is unbelievable! A 32?
真的还是假的？3和2？ That's for real? A three in front of a two?
哦，我的天啊 Oh, my God!
等等，我有话要说 Wait, I have something to say.
32，而她却有99分！？ A 32 and she got 99?!
他们磕药了？！ Were they high?!
这些评审是不是都磕药了？ Were the people in the test group high?
我们没给他们验验血？ Did we drug test them?
他们是不是就坐在制片厂里面 边抽大麻，一边说： Were they just sitting in the studio, smoking crack, saying:
"给她99，给他32 对了，我们磕药了"？！ "Let's give her a 99 and him a 32. By the way, I'm high on crack"?!
我有话要说！ I have something to say!
什么？！ What?!
你是个混蛋 You're a jerk.
你刚才说什么？ What did you just say?
我说了，你是个混蛋 I said, you're a jerk!
事事都为了你 Everything is about you.
你很自私，而且自我主义 You are selfish. And you are selfcentered.
你对我撒谎，你说你需要我 其实你谁都不需要！ And you lied to me, you said you needed me. You don't need anyone!
听着，亲爱的，何不回到你的拖车吃片镇静剂？ Listen, sweetie, why don't you go to your trailer and take a Midol?
嘿，闭嘴，要不让你好看 Hey! You be quiet, or I'll give you a tail!
冷静点 你坐下 Just calm down. You sit down!
坐下 Sit down!
这部戏应该是关于婚姻的 This show is supposed to be about a marriage.
实在的婚姻，实在的麻烦 好比粉刷厨房用什么颜色... A real marriage, with real problems, like what color to paint the kitchen...
...或者，我不知道，其他的问题 现在我也想不出来 ...or, I don't know, other problems, I can't even think of them now.
但你所唯一关心的只有你自己！ But the only problems you care about are your own!
难怪观众为什么不喜欢这部戏！ No wonder the audience doesn't like this show!
一个女巫嫁给一个凡人 A witch marries a mortal.
哪个脑筋正常的会想嫁给你？ Who in their right mind would want to marry you?
嘿！ 请原谅，就这样，你被炒了 Hey! Excuse me. That's it. You're fired.
无所谓，我不干了！ Doesn't matter. I quit!
那好！那么…… Yeah! So...
...你最好给我的经纪人打电话 ...you better call my agent.
你没经纪人 You don't have an agent.
那么打电话找我的电缆工！ Then call my cable man!
借过 Sorry. So...
你没事吧？ You all right?
都20多年了没人这么和我说话的 No one's talked to me like that in 20 years.
每个礼拜总有一次 一女的冲我这么说话的 Once a week a woman talks to me like that.
她把我剥的精光，然后一刀子捅进来 She just stripped me bare and stuck the knife in.
我们去半岛酒店吃牡蛎 Let's go to The Peninsula and get some oysters.
你知道我在想什么？ You know what I think?
嘿，那女人需要一个角色 你说什么？ Hey. The woman needs a part. I'm sorry?
我是说，如果你有萨米 索萨（拉丁棒球名将） 你别让他坐板凳 I mean, if you got Sammy Sosa, you don't bench him.
如果你有戈尔巴乔夫跳芭蕾 你就让他尽情的跳 If you got Gorbachev in the ballet, you let him dance the big number.
我认为戈尔巴乔夫不是跳舞的 I don't think Gorbachev was a dancer.
不，他曾是，瑞吉 他确实曾是，可以查查 Yes, he was, Richie, he absolutely was. Look it up.
伊莎贝尔！嘿！ Isabel! Hey!
嘿，伊莎贝尔！ Hey, Isabel!
等等，等等，别走！ Wait, wait, wait, don't go!
伊莎贝尔！ Isabel!
求你别走，别走 真令人难以置信 Please don't go. Please don't go. That was incredible.
什么？ 就刚才 What? Just now. That.
我是说，你冲我叫嚷 你坦率诚实... I mean, you yelled at me. You were upfront, and honest...
...而且冲我叫嚷把我吓个半死 ...and you called me out on all my crap.
真棒 It was just great.
噢，老天，我透不过气来 Oh, God, I'm hyperventilating.
我从未这样过 I've never done anything like this.
很猛烈，且还有点毛骨悚然 It was very hard, but secretly quite thrilling.
即便我的前妻，她也从不叫嚷 只是把我锁在门外 Even my exwife, she never yelled. She just locked me out.
在我们家族我们就消失 In my family, we usually just disappear.
不不，别消失，伊莎贝尔 再多拍一集 No, no, don't disappear, Isabel. One more show.
多拍一集 One more show.
我不想这样 不是，多拍一场，求你 I don't think so. No, one more taping. Please?
我是感觉到...我想或许应该.... It's just that I'm feeling that... I'm feeling like maybe...
对不起 你说什么？ I'm sorry. What'd you say?
我很抱歉我从前那样 对不起 I'm sorry for how I've been. I'm sorry.
你又紧张了 You're sweating again.
我知道，只是.... I know, just...
只是，你瞧，再多拍一场 I just... Look, one more.
我喜欢你紧张时的样子 I love it when you sweat.
再来一场！多一场 One more! Just one more.
我若又成了混蛋 你就喊“嘿，他是个混蛋！“ And the second I'm being a jerk, you can yell, "Hey! He's being a jerk!"
然后我保证停止拍摄 And we'll shut the whole thing down, I promise.
我们一把火烧掉片场... We'll burn down the sets...
...把服装都卖掉 把钱给孩子 ...and sell the costumes, and give the money to little children.
我是说，假定如此 I mean, that's one possible scenario.
你要我说：“他是个混蛋？” You want me to say "He's being a jerk"?
没错，你可以叫嚷.... Yeah. Or you can yell, I mean...
他是个混蛋！ He's being a jerk!
没错 Yes.
现在我可不能就这么回去 I can't just walk back in there now.
只要你跳上高球小车，相信我，都没什么 Once you show up on a golf cart, believe me, all is forgiven.
我常这样 I've done it a lot of times.
但我被炒了已经 哦，不，是这样，我不干了 But I was fired. Oh, no. That's right, I quit.
这样，来，我来帮你拿花 Yeah. Here, let me carry your plant.
甜心，你妈在这 Honey, your mother's here.
你们两个合得来吗？ Are you two getting along?
不太妙 Not exactly.
就这样？ 你做的不错 Like this? You're doing great.
很好，很好，在来一次 Really, really great. One more time.
那么，据说婚姻是爱情的坟墓 So it says here that marriage can lead to a loss of passion.
没错，我已经感到厌倦和空虚了 It's true. I feel empty and bored already.
哦，好啊，是你 妈妈！ Oh, great. It's you. Mother!
看出来你们两个处的不错啊？ I see you two are actually getting along?
琳朵拉，你这半老徐娘 离开我的房间 Endora, you rancid fruit bag, get out of my room.
戴伦！ 我的女儿快乐吗？ Darrin! And my daughter is happy?
真是残酷的转折 That is the cruelest twist of all.
我很快乐，戴伦 实在、真实、无需魔法的快乐 I am happy, Darrin. Real, honest, nospells happy.
停！ And cut!
演员，停了 Actors, cut.
真的，停下 Really, cut now.
你今天很棒 表现好极了 You were great today. Just absolutely amazing.
我想我从未如此快乐过 I don't think I've ever had so much fun.
演戏是有趣的 Acting is fun.
完完全全如此 That is a profoundly true thing.
要吃水栗子？ Would you like a water chestnut?
我喜欢水栗子 I'd love a water chestnut.
我要把我会的全都教给你... I'm gonna teach you everything I know...
...就从... ...starting with...
...眼神开始 ...the eye thing.
我独门绝技 电眼 The famous crazyeye thing of mine.
怎么样？ Okay?
靠这个差点拿了金球奖 This almost won me a Golden Globe.
差点儿 Almost.
就像这样？ 做的不错 Is that it? That's good.
噢，做的更好了 Oh, that's even better.
接下来是“我刚意识到事情要比料想的要糟” This is the "I just realized things are worse than they seem" thing.
也叫做“哎呀” Also known as "the Yikes Take."
哎呀！ Yikes!
噢 Wow.
哎呀！ Yikes!
糟透了 没关系 That was terrible. It's okay.
不，我是糟透了 我的也好不到哪去 No, I was terrible. I don't think mine was good, either.
好了，我没什么技巧了 That's it. I'm out of tricks.
那么你那个滑稽步伐呢？ 滑稽步伐？ What about the funny walk you do? The funny walk?
你不会要看那步伐的 要看 You don't wanna see the walk. I do.
蛮难为情的 Funny walk is embarrassing.
我要看看 I'd like to see it.
真的？ Yeah?
那好，我们去老地方 Okay. Let's go to our place.
神奇时刻 Magic hour.
就这样？ 没错 Is that it? That's great.
要比看上去要难些 It's much harder than it looks.
5 6 7 8 Five, six, seven, eight.
退后！ 嘿！ Move back! Hey!
奇妙的事情就这么 自由自主的发生了 Something magical happened all by itself.
10分钟内开会排练 Table read in 10 minutes!
好了，关门 Okay, close it up!
大家早上好 早上好，杰克 Good morning, everyone. Morning, Jack.
杰克，几件事情需要和你谈谈的 Look, Jack, I just need to talk to you about a couple of these things.
第一，我们正考虑把... Number one, we're thinking about moving...
...厨房这场戏挪一挪 因为确实是…… ...the whole kitchen scene. Just... It's such...
比较有趣的一场戏 It's a funny scene.
是很有趣 我们想早点开始 It's really funny. We'd like to get it in a little earlier.
所以接下来的就是开会讨论一下这场戏 So probably what we're gonna do is switch it with the office.
但我们打算把戏放在剧情后边一点点 But we're gonna drop that to a little later on in the show.
伙计，伙计们 你们看到杰克刚刚向伊莎贝尔抛媚眼了吗？ Dude. Dudes, are you watching Jack throw the vibe to Isabel right now?
你好吗？ How are you?
我很好 I'm great.
这是给你的 That's for you.
谢谢 Thank you.
打电话给我 太妙了 Call me. That's fantastic.
停停 Stop.
那好 Fine.
好的，我想 我可以给他安排一下 Yeah. I mean, I can find something for him.
给他一个小角色，差不多没台词那种 I'll put him in a little part with maybe no lines or anything like that.
你和杰克之间是怎么了？ What is going on between you and Jack?
没怎么啊 Nothing is going on.
我们约会了，然后接吻了…… We had a date and we kissed...
...然后现在我们打算共度好时光 ...and now we just wanna spend all of our time together.
这显然是发生了什么事情啦 That is the very definition of something going on.
并且你知道吗？ 我没耍把戏，我没用魔法 And you know what? I didn't use any tricks. I am trickfree.
哦，老天，是她 Oh, my God, it's her.
谁？ 杰克老婆 Who? Jack's wife.
我在《潮流》杂志看到她的照片 作为反面教材 I saw a picture of her in InStyle when she was the fashion "don't."
对不起，我找杰克 Excuse me. I'm looking for Jack.
你一定就是萨曼莎 You must be Samantha.
看起来像是那个老的 You look just like the old one.
谢谢你 Thank you so much.
失陪 Oh, excuse me.
喜欢那鼻子 Love the nose.
干得不错 Good work.
他在那，我的老公 There he is. There's my guy.
我好想他啊 I've missed him so much.
这么说吧，今晚门把上会挂着“请勿打扰” Let's just say the "Do Not Disturb" sign will be on the doorknob tonight.
噢，上帝！ 噢，上帝！ Oh, my God! Oh, God!
帮我抬起来，帮我抬起来 慢点慢点 Help me lift it. Help me lift it. Slowly, slowly, slowly.
介个太坏了一点点 That was a little harsh.
我好想他啊 I've missed him so much.
这么说吧，今晚门把上会挂着“请勿打扰” Let's just say the "Do Not Disturb" sign will be on the doorknob tonight.
希拉 嗨，宝贝 Sheila. Hi, baby.
你来这干吗？ What are you doing here?
你要我的汽车？我奶奶的领针？ You want my car? My grandmother's brooch.
哦，你要更多的钱 Oh! You want more money.
叮叮叮！回答正确 Dingdingding! Correct answer.
不 No.
我要回到你身边 那么那个猛男呢？ I want you back. What about Captain Underpants?
我和他玩完了，我爱你，杰克 I'm through with him. I love you, Jack.
哦，等等，我明白了，你听说了这剧集会火起来 Oh, wait, wait, I get it. You heard that the show's getting picked up.
我听说了会轰动 I heard it's gonna be a hit.
但那又怎样？ But so what?
我要你，我要我的丈夫 I want you. I want my husband.
你瞧，要是一周之前 我或许还会就范 You know, a week ago I would've fallen for that.
但现在我有别人了 But now there's someone else.
一个决不狡诈的人 Someone who's incapable of guile.
什么是狡诈？ What's guile?
我可不会那样 I'm not gonna do it.
我想就是花招的意思 I think it means tricks.
我爱你，宝贝 不，我不爱你 I love you, baby. No, I'm not.
或许该我了 Maybe I will.
到底怎么了？ 乔伊 What the heck is going on?! Joey.
这地方闹鬼，我不干了 This place is spooked. I quit.
乔伊，乔伊，回来 Joey. Joey, come back here.
给我拿面镜子！杰克！ Get me a mirror! Jack!
杰克！ 你还好吗？ Jack! Are you okay?
我还好吗？ Am I okay?!
再来一次 And one more time.
我很好，我马上就签离婚协议书 I'm fine. And I'm signing the divorce papers right now.
你签？ You are?
再来 Maybe two.
而且下午我就搬出房子 And I'm moving out of the house this afternoon.
你要去哪？ Where are you going?
雷克雅未克 Reykjavík.
哪儿？ 冰岛 Where is it? Iceland.
我喜欢冰 I love ice.
大家再见！我要去雷克雅未克了！ Goodbye, everyone! I'm off to Reykjavík!
哦，我的上帝 Oh, my God.
你们刚刚都看到了？ Everyone, did you just see that?
她要签协议书了！难以置信 She's gonna sign the papers! This is incredible.
伊莎贝尔 来我家聚会！ Isabel. Party at my house!
你失控了 You're out of control.
每次我以为我明确了什么事情 但总是失败 Every time I think I have things nailed down, I just lose it.
哦，别这么为难自己 会好起来的 Oh, don't be so hard on yourself. It's gonna be okay.
哦，哇，那是谁？ Oh, whoa. Who is that?
不，玛丽亚，不 No, Maria. No.
太晚了 Too late.
Second of all, like...
诸位，静一静好吗？ 有几句话要说 Everyone, can I have your attention, please? I just wanna say a few words.
兰德尔，帮我搞定这个好吗？ 谢谢 Randall, can we deal with this? Thank you.
从哪说起呢？多棒的夜晚 大家玩得开心吗？啊？ Where do I start? What a night. Is everyone having fun? Yeah?
很好，今晚对于很多事情我心存感激 Great. I'm so grateful for so many things tonight.
像这部戏，还有你们这些 全体优秀的、才华横溢的同事们... The show, all of you amazing and talented people...
...尤其是伊莎贝尔 ...and especially Isabel.
一个从不为了伪装自己... To a woman who'd never trick me into thinking...
...而欺骗我的女人 ...she was something she wasn't.
从现在开始 我们都坦诚相待，好吗？ From now on, everyone tells the truth. Okay?
除了，若我气色不好 还是要说假话啊 Except if I don't look good, say I do anyway.
伊莎贝尔，你是一个美丽的人 Isabel, you are a beautiful person.
这就是事实 And that's the truth.
乾杯 乾杯 Cheers. Cheers!
玩得开心点 Have a great time.
乾杯 Cheers.
别弄坏什么东西，好吗？ Don't break anything, okay?
不会的，杰克 谢谢 We won't, Jack. Thank you.
我希望那感人的致词... I hope that touching speech...
...不会让你想去说出实话吧 ...hasn't made you think that you should tell the truth.
我正要去 哦，别傻了 I'm going to. Oh, don't be silly.
而且他会接受我的，他会的 我不可以一直忍着不去说 And he's gonna accept me. He's got to. You can't live with a secret like that.
你当然可以 一千年也行 Of course you can. For thousands of years.
别这样，铸大错，没用的 Don't do it. Big mistake. Won't work.
嘿，你好啊 别说出来，让我猜猜.... Well, hello there. Now, don't tell me...
椰子炖虾 Coconut shrimps.
哦，没错，尝一个？ Oh, yes. Would you like one?
好，谢谢 Yes. Thank you.
你知道吗，你很迷人 Do you know, you're quite fetching.
我是奈杰尔 毕格洛 And I'm Nigel Bigelow.
没错，因为有点恋父情结 我会和你上床 Yes. I will sleep with you because I have a thing for father figures.
啊，很好 Well, that's great, then.
但早上醒来，我听不懂你的笑话... But in the morning, I will not get 90 percent of your jokes...
...然后我一遍一遍的想起 我要在亚哥拉山开个健身房的梦想 ...and I'll go on and on about opening an aerobics center in Agoura.
你在找我吗？ Are you looking for me?
正想你呢，事实上 Missing you, actually.
有点怪 没什么 How strange. Not really.
LOVE
我正想把它当作 一件稀松平常的事情来告诉你 I'm just gonna say it like it's a completely matteroffact thing.
猜猜看 什么？ Guess what. What?
我是个女巫 I'm a witch.
猜猜看 什么？ Guess what. What?
我是快船队的球迷 I'm a Clippers fan.
对呀，没什么大不了的事情 Yeah, it's not like it's a big deal.
我可不是坏女巫 现在好了，都说出来了，不是吗？ I'm not a bad witch, and we're getting it out there and telling the truth, right?
没错，我也不算什么球迷 Right. And I'm not just a fan.
我连买球票的事情也会弄错 I made the mistake of buying courtside seats.
不不不，杰克，杰克 我，伊莎贝尔·毕格洛，我是女巫 No, no, no, really. Jack. Jack, I am. I, Isabel Bigelow, I'm a witch.
好的，很好，那么你是个女巫 Okay, great. So you're a witch.
赶紧，我们躲进门厅的洗手间里嘿咻去 Come on, let's make out in the hall closet.
杰克 好，好，我会合作的 Jack. Okay, okay, I'll play along.
好比我们即兴表演，证明给我看 Like it's an improv. Prove it.
所以我说，“你们听着 我相信雪儿（著名艺人）会再出佳作的” So I just said, "Listen, you guys, I believe Cher has another hit in her."
真的？ 对 Really? Yeah.
喔，很棒的把戏 Wow, fantastic trick.
不是把戏 Not a trick.
哇，你怎么办到的？ Whoa! How'd you do that?
敬史上最强的女巫 To the most powerful witch ever.
你能在杯子里变出把小伞出来？ Can you make an umbrella appear in this drink?
我可以 真的？ I can. Really?
真神奇啊 That's amazing.
我一点儿也没想到你还是个业余的魔术师 I had no idea you were an amateur magician.
嘿，等等，我正和你说话呢 Hey. Wait. Hey, hey, hey. Hey, I'm talking to you.
嘿，伊莎贝尔 Hey, Isabel. I'm...
杰克，听我说，我天生就是女巫 我父母是巫师，我也是巫师 Jack, listen to me, I was born a witch, my parents are witches, I'm a witch.
真正的女巫 好嘞，伊莎贝尔 A real witch. That's right, Isabel.
MM好样的 伊莎贝尔，告诉他 You go, girl. Isabel, you tell him.
酷，真棒 That is cool. That's great.
你真让人心灰 You are very frustrating.
你是不是有什么类似丹尼尔·戴·刘易斯 （英国演技派巨星）的事情发生在你身上了？ Do you have some Daniel DayLewis thing happening here?
进展如何？ How's it going?
我要走了 I'm leaving.
谢谢 Thank you.
嘿，你好，我有C型肝炎 Hey there. I have hepatitis C.
伊莎贝尔？伊莎贝尔 Isabel? Isabel.
伊莎贝尔，发生什么事了？ 回来啊 Isabel, what's going on? Come back to the party.
你怎么了？要去哪？ What are you...? Where are you going? What...?
喔，真酷，是不是啥神奇道具？ Wow. That's really cool. Did Props make that?
我一直想告诉你 要我为你取车吗？小姐 I keep trying to tell you... Can I get your car, miss?
她不需要汽车，她有扫帚 She doesn't need her car, she has her broomstick.
你以为我是胡说，是吗？ 当然不 You think I'm nuts, don't you? Of course not.
我知道很多女人都带着可折叠的扫帚 I know plenty of women who carry around collapsible broomsticks.
我去取车 车不在那，我送回家了 I'll get the car. It won't be there, I sent it home.
跟真的一样 连按钮也找不到 This looks so real. I can't even see the buttons.
是真的 It is real.
还能飞呢 Flies too.
哦，真想见识一下 Oh, I'd love to see that.
抓牢了 什么？ Hang on. What?
放我下来！ Put me down!
我一直试着告诉你 I kept trying to tell you.
没什么大不了的，杰克 It's no big deal, Jack.
没什么大不了的 问题大了！ It's no big deal. This is a huge deal!
我们可以克服这问题 关键在于我是谁 We can work this out. It's just who I happen to be.
走开 什么？ Get away from me. What?
你骗我！对我下咒！ You tricked me! You put spells on me!
呃，有几次，是的 但多数我都撤销了 Well, only a few, yes, I did. But I took most of them off.
救命！来人救命！ Help! Someone help!
杰克，我原以为这没什么 Jack. I thought this would be okay.
怎可能没什么？ How would it be okay?!
因为我就是我，我还是我 Because it's me. It's still me.
我有点吓坏了 我知道，但我改变不了我自己 I'm a little freaked out now. I know, but I can't change what I am.
你是不是疯了？你还是人吗？ 杰克！ Are you crazy? Are you even human? Jack!
我会怀孕吗？（64年版剧情） 什么？ Am I gonna get pregnant? What?
因为我可不能怀孕啊！ Because I can't get pregnant right now!
怎么会这样？我的脚会长出蹼？ How does this work? Will I get webbed feet?
你伤害我了 You're hurting my feelings.
嘘！嘘！ Shoo! Shoo!
嘘？ 嘘！ Shoo? Shoo!
现在你让我火大了！ 走开！嘎嘎！ Now you're making me angry! Go! Scat!
你要我走开？ 是的！ You want me to leave? Yes!
好！ 好！ Fine! Fine!
再见，杰克 Goodbye, Jack.
你混蛋！ You jerk!
对不起，怀特先生，我找不到她的车子 Sorry, Mr. Wyatt, I can't find her car.
她不干了，有什么大不了的？ So she quit. So what?
杰克那里怎么样？ How's Jack taking all this?
让我来告诉你们 杰克·怀特好比一个战斗机飞行员 Let me tell you guys something. Jack Wyatt's like a jet fighter pilot.
没什么能让他不安的 我相信他正在健身房运动呢 Nothing rattles him. I'm sure he's just at the gym.
嘿，好了，别抓着我胳膊 Hey, okay. Stop holding my arm.
发现他在购物中心的 水池里面拣硬币 Found him picking up pennies out of a shoppingmall water fountain.
多谢你，警官 我得付你多少小费？ Thank you so much, officer. How much do I tip you for that?
不必了 嘿，杰克 You don't tip me. Hey, Jack.
嘿，你们好 嘿，大块头 Hey, all. Hey, big guy.
感觉如何？ 怎么了？杰克？ How's it going? What's up, Jack?
你没事吧？ 小子 You all right? Boy.
对，我没事 感觉超好 Yeah, I'm all right. I've never been better. Come on.
拿一瓶调味番茄酱干吗？ What's the bottle of ketchup for?
你说什么？ 那.... Come again? The...
哦，在墨西哥餐厅吃饭忘记还了 Oh. Forgot to leave it at this diner in Mexico.
别唬我们，杰克 Don't freak out on us, Jack.
你被炒了 又来了 You're fired. Classic.
谁有火？ Anyone have a light? Yo.
我有 好的，老兄 I do. Right here, pal.
诸位，冷静一下 Everybody. Let's just calm down.
我们只拍了两集 还有十周就要播映了 We've only shot two episodes. We've got 10 weeks before we air.
那么我们重新选角，小事一桩 下一个 So we recast. Piece of cake. Next.
这可麻烦，要找个得分那么高的会很难 I don't know. It'll be hard to find somebody with those scores.
得分很高，很高 It's good scores, good scores.
她是个女巫 确实很像 She's a witch. That's more like it.
你就这么一直告诉自己，老兄 You just keep telling yourself that, man.
我很好，真的 I'm fine, really.
昨晚在家里我吃了3只煎饼 然后砸了所有的碟子 I mean, last night I ate three burritos and smashed every dish in my house.
伊莎贝尔，你不能让那家伙毁了你的生活 Isabel. You can't let this guy ruin your life.
他们正重新选你的角色 They're recasting your role.
他们已经开始重选我的角色？ They're recasting my role already?
是啊，你退出了 世态炎凉 Well, you quit. Tough town.
到底发生了什么事？ 他说我不是人 I mean, like, what happened? He said I wasn't human.
并且朝我挥舞树枝 And he waved a tree branch at me. Like:
一定有解决的办法 There must be a solution.
不，没可能 No, there isn't.
我们正坐在咖啡厅里 并且问题无解 We're at the Coffee Bean and there is no solution.
我爱你，杰克 I love you, Jack!
杰克，我昨晚梦见你了 Jack, I dreamt about you last night!
杰克，记得我吗？琥珀？ Jack, remember me? Amber?
哦，星光 Oh, my stars.
戴伦就要回家了 而我还没做晚饭呢 Darrin's coming home and I haven't even made dinner.
什么？ What?
你不错，你需要点什么？ You're great. You want anything?
谢谢 非常感谢，真是... Thank you. Thank you very much, that was...
谢谢 Thank you.
卟！不给糖就捣乱！ Boo! Trick or treat!
你们看上去真棒 You guys look great.
万圣节快乐 Happy Halloween.
妈咪！ Mommy!
对不起，我一块糖也没有 I'm sorry I don't have any candy.
嗨，大家好，欢迎收看问答游戏节目！ Hi, everyone, and welcome once again to Jeopardy!
又一个激动的关于下一个种类…… Another exciting halfhour of answers and questions...
...的问答开始了 ...with these categories in our first round of play.
首先，“干酪” First off, "Cheese."
下一个，“以Zing结尾的东西” Next, "Things That End In 'Zing."'
我压根不知道我们在哪？ I have no idea where we are.
我是说，我真的在地图上都找不到越南 I mean, I literally could not find Vietnam on a map.
而现在我们要死在这里了？ And now we're about to die here?
我猜靠近阿根廷 I think it's next to Argentina.
至少现在还没人朝我们开枪 Well, at least nobody shot at us yet.
哎呀！大事不好 Yikes! That's not good.
“哎呀” "Yikes."
我认为狮子在这里，阿迪库斯 I think the lions are here, Atticus.
这就是威力（阳物） 带着他的（阳物）步伐 And there's Willy, doing his famous Willy Walk.
夏尔巴！（西藏一种族） Sherpa!
我们得离开 We've got to go.
别那样瞪着我 这是唯一的办法 Don't look at me like that. It's the only solution.
伊莎贝尔，你能不能到饭厅来一下？谢谢 Isabel, would you please join me in the dining alcove? Thank you.
爸爸？ Daddy?
有些怪事发生了 Something very odd is happening.
不是什么怪事，是你已经预见的 我要走了 It's not odd, it's what you predicted. I'm leaving.
我无法停止挂念爱丽丝 I can't stop thinking about Iris.
你是对的，我不属于这里 You were right. I don't belong here.
我发现我对其他女人失去了兴趣 现在，这有点不太正常 I find myself uninterested in any other woman. Now, that's not natural.
你是不是觉得有种可能她.... 什么？ Do you think there's a chance that... What?
她会是个女巫？ That she might be a witch?
别傻了 Don't be silly.
她对我施了魔法？ And she put a spell on me?
拜托 Please.
怎么？你是巫师，我是巫师 她也可能是个巫师 Why not? You're a witch. I'm a witch. She could be a witch.
我猜她是巫师 I guess she could.
还能怎样？ What else could it be?
爱情 Love.
可曾有一种魔法能够止住哭泣？ Isn't there a spell that can make you stop crying?
没有，亲爱的，没有 No, darling, there isn't.
他是个白痴，然而我却发现他有如此的魅力 He's idiotic, and yet I find him completely charming.
打一开始就是那样 It's been like that since the beginning.
只是现在，我又有点恨他 Only now, I also hate him.
这就是爱情 Love.
爸爸，我该怎么办？ Daddy, what am I gonna do?
回家 Go home.
家在哪里？ Where's that?
家就是你最开心的地方 Wherever you've been the happiest.
或许，我得去阿鲁巴岛 Perhaps I'll go to Aruba.
阿鲁巴岛？ 然后，或许我又不想去了 Aruba? But then again, perhaps I won't.
我不知道我是否喜欢我的发型 I don't know if I'm loving my haircut.
好，科南（美国著名脱口秀主持人） 不敢相信你又提起这个了 Well, Conan, I can't believe you're bringing this up.
不不不不，打死我也不说，没门 No. No. No, no, no. I'm not gonna tell that story. There's no way.
那好那好，既然你一再坚持 Okay, okay, if you insist.
大概是去年6月 我真的找了个女巫来扮演女巫... It was last June, and I actually cast this witch as a witch...
...现在扫帚都让我掉眼泪 ...and now brooms make me cry.
我无法入睡，我不知道什么是真的 什么是电视节目 I can't sleep, and I don't know what's real or what's the TV show.
我来啦 Hideho!
瞧我跳出来 把你给吓得 Look what the cat dragged in. Somebody is retaining water.
亚瑟大叔，是你 Uncle Arthur. It's you.
哦，不，你有要把镜子弄破了，是吗？ Oh, no, you're gonna crack the mirror, aren't you?
你电视看多了 You watch too much television.
我知道你会这样，你总是这样 别傻了 I know you'll do it. You always do. Don't be silly.
靠近点，我牙齿上是不是有什么东西？ Come closer. Do I have something in my teeth right there?
哪？ 瞧！ Where? Look!
真逗！ That was fun!
萨米（萨曼莎昵称）在哪？我的萨米在哪？ Where's Sammy? Where's my Sammy?
她退出了，现在，让我一个人待着 She quit. Now, leave me alone.
可她是不可替代的 But she was the one.
我知道，我知道 我满脑子都是她 I know, I know. I can't stop thinking about her.
可她是个女巫 那么，那又怎样？ But she's a witch. Yes, and?
杰克，到你了！ 哦，该我了 Jack, you're on! Oh, no, I'm on.
让他们见识见识，猛男！ Go get them, tiger!
……凭借新片《家有仙妻》而东山再起 Revival of the hit series Bewitched.
你从类似于 去年在加德满都... You know him from such films as Last Year in Katmandu...
...威力的洋葱 和 阿迪库斯王 这样的片子了解他 ...An Onion For Willy and Atticus Rex.
欢迎我们的老朋友，杰克·怀特！ Please welcome our good pal, Jack Wyatt!
哦，我的老天 Oh, my God.
是个梦 It was a dream.
谢天谢地 Thank God.
没那么好的运气，杰基小子 No such luck, Jackie boy.
退后！ Stay back!
好，好，你不是真的 你是电视剧里面的 Okay, okay. You are not real. You're from the TV show.
在上一部电影里面... You have blond highlights...
...你穿金衣挂腰带 ...and had to wear a girdle on your last movie.
你还说我不是真的？ Who's calling who not real?
好的好的，我不相信这个 我不是... Okay, I do not believe this. I am not...
你是.... You are...
你是真的 暂时的 You are real. Temporarily.
哦，亚瑟大叔 你是我最喜欢的人物 Oh, Uncle Arthur. You're my favorite character.
我知道 I know.
到底是怎么了？ What the hell's going on?
你需要帮助 你的感情生活出了大问题了，兄弟 You need help. Your love life's a mess, buddy boy.
我知道，我很惨 I know, I'm miserable.
我也是，我的节目已经重播了32年了 So am I. I have been in reruns for 32 years.
我要上黄金时间档！ 我要让你的戏起死回生 I need the sizzle of prime time! I need to get this show back on the air.
好的，这很复杂并且棘手，知道吗？ Okay, this is very complicated and unsettling, all right?
我想我没明白 I don't think I understand.
那好 Oh. All right.
你想听长篇的还是短篇的？ Do you want the short version or the long version?
留神了，长篇的可是亚拉姆语的 Keep in mind that the long version is in Aramaic.
我要短篇的 The short version.
你和女巫纠缠不清了 当你如此的时候... You got involved with a witch, and when you do that...
...诡异的事情就会发生 ...weird stuff happens.
没了？ 要我事事都给你讲明白？ That's it? Do I have to explain everything?
那好，这么说吧，我不是真人 Okay, here's the deal. I'm not real.
爱丽丝是个女巫 爱丽丝是个女巫？ Iris is a witch. Iris is a witch?
别打岔，而且，在我看来... Don't dwell. And, in my opinion...
...你那个经纪人，瑞吉... 什么？ ...that manager of yours, Richie... What?
...也不是人 ...isn't even human.
那么，我是在哪？ 什么时候？ Now, where was I? When?
在你醒之前，哦，对了 谁想和女巫一起的？ Before you woke up. Oh, right! Who wants to be with a witch?
这样的疯话天天都有讲！ Crazy crap like this would always be happening!
你的意思是？ And your point is?
我的意思是，你决不会知道 什么？ The point is, you'd never know. What?
你是真心的爱她 还是她对你施了魔法 Whether you were in love with her, or whether she put a spell on you.
例如当你第一次在书店发掘她 没准也是她的主意？ Like when you first spotted her in the bookstore. Probably her idea, right?
不，是我的主意 No, that was my idea.
喔，真烂 我知道，我就是喜欢榨汁而已 Oh, that's terrible. I know, I just love to blend.
那么当你屈膝跪下 请求她接受工作 And when you got down on your knees and you begged her to take the job.
你在说什么？ What are you saying?
她或许把话植入你的脑袋 She probably planted the words in your head.
没可能，都是我自己的话 No way, my words.
对，那么关于鼻子呢？ Yeah. What about the nose?
嘿，真是她的鼻子吗？ Hello? Is that even really her nose?
当然是她的鼻子 Of course it's her real nose.
瞧，我想说得是 谁想和女巫在一起？ Look. Is all's I'm saying is, who wants to be with a witch?
我想 I do.
她要回家了 She's going home.
而且一旦一个女巫回家了 100年内她是回不来了 And once a witch returns home, she can't come back for 100 years.
她不能走 She can't leave.
我需要她，我要她，我要伊莎贝尔 I need her. I want her. I want Isabel.
那好，赶快，我们去找她 Well, come on, let's go get her.
来吧，我们走 Here we go! Let's go! Let's go get her!
跟着我！我们走 Follow me! Follow me, here we go! Come on, here we go!
我们得赶紧，此刻她正出门 We'd better hurry. She's leaving right this minute.
我们得拦下她 We've gotta stop her.
嘿，等等，你不能开车，记得吗？ Hey, wait. You can't drive, remember?
记得有一集你挪车 却把车毁了？ Remember that episode where you pulled out and almost crashed?
对，可是，那并非真正的我 Yes, well, that wasn't exactly me.
我，可是个很吊的车手 I, personally, am a great driver.
哎哟我的天！ Whoopsie doodle!
悠着点！ Take it easy!
你能不能稍微开慢点？ Can you slow down just a tad?
这是 保时捷 还是 宝石姐 啊？ Is it "Porsche" or is it "Porscha"?
谁在乎？看着路，拜托 我们要去追伊莎贝尔 Who cares? Watch the road, please. We've gotta get Isabel!
哦，好的，让我来！ Oh, all right, party pooper. Let me drive!
她在那！ 哪？ There she is! Where?
哦，不，她正飞走呢 Oh, no, she's flying away!
狠踩脚踏，巴迪小子 Pedal to the metal, buddy boy!
小心！ Watch it!
哦，我要被虚构的人物给害死了 Oh, I'm about to be killed by a fictional character.
你说对了 Yes, you are.
我们到了 到了，到哪了？ We're here. Here. Where?
她在哪？ Where is she?
老地方，她就在老地方 Our place. She's at our place.
谢谢你，谢谢你，亚瑟大叔 Thank you. Thank you, Uncle Arthur.
快点跑，白痴 Run to her, you idiot!
伊莎贝尔 Isabel.
哦，天啊，你在这里 Oh, my God, you're here.
我真高兴你在这里 I'm so happy you're here.
我正要离开 不不不，你不可以 I'm leaving. No, no, no, you can't.
如果你走了就回不来了 You'll be gone forever if you leave.
你若走了，即便想念我了 100年内仍回不来 You'll be gone 100 years without being able to come back.
真荒谬，谁告诉你的？ That's ridiculous. Who told you that?
他说的 He did.
那么，你若要走 干吗又来到这里？ Well, what are you doing here if you're leaving?
我是要回家 I was going home.
可我不知道家在哪里 But I don't know where that is.
家，就是和我在一起 Home is with me.
别走，求你了 但我是…… Don't go. Please. But I'm...
我们会做好的 我们不能 We'll work it out. We can't.
不，我们能 Yes, we can.
我是个女巫，不是凡人 I can't be normal, because I'm a witch.
可我若要做凡人，就不能当女巫 I can't be a witch, because I really wanna be normal.
没可能 当然有可能 It's not possible. Of course it's possible.
有很多很多女巫都办到了 There's tons of other witches who've done it.
谁？ Who?
呃，或许不是很多 但至少有一个 Well, maybe not tons of other witches, but at least one.
萨曼莎 Samantha.
夹在两个世界中 且完全幸福 Caught between two worlds, and yet completely happy.
事实上，她从此快乐幸福的生活着 She lived happily ever after, in fact.
尽管没法去确定，因为已经停播了 Although there's no way to be sure. She went off the air.
我们来完成 We'll work it out.
别哭，我的小女巫 Don't cry, little witch.
我爱你，萨曼莎 I love you, Samantha.
伊莎贝尔 Isabel.
我知道 I knew that.
我想 I think.
我爱你，戴伦 I love you, Darrin.
我刚刚想起 在这个世界... It just occurred to me, you could have any guy...
...你可以拥有任何男人 ...in the whole world.
噢，可是我选择你 Oh, but I chose you.
坦白说，我想你选错了 Honestly, I think you made a mistake.
如果我错了，我总能全身而退 If I did, I can always get out of it.
现在我们有事要做 Now we have things to do.
我们有戏要拍 是的 We have a show to do. Yes.
然后，或许接着 我们可以结婚 And then, maybe after a while, we could get married.
6个月以后
到了 There it is.
刹的好 Good brakes.
艾伯，过来瞧 新邻居搬来了 Abner, come look! The new neighbors are moving in!
等等，格拉迪斯，忙着呢 Not now, Gladys, I'm busy.
好了 Yes.
我现在要抱着你穿过门口 I'm now going to carry you across the threshold.
你不觉得前门草坪有点光秃秃的？ Don't you think the front lawn looks a little bare?
没，没觉得 No, I don't.
我猜我可以想想办法 But I think it could use a little something.
就那样也行，甜心 It's fine the way it is, honey.
艾伯！一颗树从前院冒出来了！ Abner! A tree just appeared in the front yard!
全片完 谢谢观赏